Friday, April 08, 2011

In which we decide Monkey should be born again

"Why would a question be intentionally left blank?"

"What?"

"Q 17 is intentionally left blank or so it says. Why would anyone do that?"

"Maybe it isn't blank for some people"

"Like who?"

"Like I don't know. Blind people or something"

"You mean in Braille, q 17 is not left blank? But if they already know who is blind what is the point in the census?"

"Hmm...they don't know everything about everyone. You are confusing Google with Her Majesty's government"

"I see. What is your religion?"

"What?"

"Religion"

"What is your religion?"

"Well, I am not sure. I am asking you"

"I am Hindu, I guess"

"Why?"

"What do you mean why?"

"Why are you Hindu? What aspect of the religion do you follow?"

"I don't need to do anything. I just identify myself as Hindu"

"How is it tied to your identity? What influence does it have on your life?"

"I have had a Hindu upbringing I guess. Like when I was a kid"

"It is in your upbringing? Like it shaped you types?"

"Thats a bit of a stretch but whatever"

"But by that definition one could argue your Jesuit school had a part in this upbringing"

"You want me to call myself a Jesuit?"

"Are you interested in young boys?"

"Not particularly"

"Then you can't call yourself one"

"Okay. So I remain Hindu"

"Wait, so if you are a Hindu, you are going to make monkey also Hindu?"

"No. I quite like Dawkins in this case. No religion for monkey"

"Because its too much effort to put religion into it?"

"Precisely. I can't be bothered"

"So no dragging it to Durga Pujo pandals?"

"Yep. But how did that come into this?"

"How else are you Hindu?"

"I told you. I don't have to do anything to be Hindu. Its sort of a no effort religion"

"I would have thought the no effort option is no religion"

"You didn't tell me that was an option"

"Well, it is an option in this form. Plus you were quite happy to give monkey no religion"

"Hmm. So you have no religion?"

"I did not say that. Not yet anyway. Though I am thinking I will listen to these british humanists types and put no religion since I can't think of anything I do that ties me to any religion"

"Yeah ok. If thats what you want. I don't see any contradiction in not being religious and putting down some religion you belong to"

"No? Its like calling myself vegetarian because I believe in not killing and eating animals. Or like all these people who call themselves feminists because its some sort of a fashion statement"

"You are asking for too much. Its totally ok to have a viewpoint and not do anything about it"

"Or do something contradictory"

"When did I contradict anything?"

"Fair enough. Hang on, I just realised we are looking at this from a very wrong angle"

"Let me remind you that I wasn't looking at anything"

"If you say so. We should look at it from how this will be used and play it accordingly"

"Okay?"

"So they will use this to fund stuff?"

"Like languages"

"Yeah but since both our languages are well represented no thanks to you or me, that's alright"

"I guess"

"They fund schools I suppose. If we put no religion, they will fund secular schools. Thats good"

"Nonsense. I don't want secular schools"

"What?"

"Have you seen the performance tables? Secular schools are no good"

"So you want them to fund more religious schools?"

"What I want them to do is to fund more Church of England schools so that we can send monkey there and not pay for private education"

"But hang on, monkey won't get in to one of these places. No priority"

"So what we should do is to make monkey a proper CoE person"

"So we put down CoE as her religion?"

"I don't see why not. It seems to be the most useful thing to do"

"We can also send it to nearby church on Sundays I guess. So that they know we aren't making this up"

"Yeah why not?"

"What if it grows up and becomes some fundamentalist?"

"No chance. This is not America. CoErs just grow up and develop a healthy disregard for religion. Which is a perfectly fine thing to be"

"So you are Hindu, I have no religion and monkey is CoE?"

"That sounds reasonable"

"Done"

7 comments:

Space Bar said...

Census time in the UK, huh?

You didn't think of making up a religion that only the three of you practise?

Veena said...

Of course I did. But the monkey characters already apprear in more than one pantheon you see.

Cheshire Cat said...

Isn't CoE the same thing as having no religion?

I think you should have the option to belong to multiple religions. For myself, I'd choose Zoroastrianism, Jainism, Taoism, Jansenism and Din-i Ilahi.

Veena said...

Yes but CoE it will get it into a school.

All of the above sounds like a good idea. You can always justify everything I suppose.

Space Bar said...

or you could all state the only truly permissible grounds on which you can refuse to make a choice: You are God.

Szerelem said...

I know someone who put down Jedi Knight. Apparently it was one of the top religions last census.

Veena said...

SB: God has something to do with religion? Really?

Szer: Yeah, a few people I know did put down Jedi Knight. There was one chap who got very confused - he wanted to put in the religion he grew up in but apparently he had always thought Christianity was an elaborate metaphor for Narnia so he wasn't sure what to put in!