Thursday, August 03, 2006

The End of an Affair

I remember the exact moment that I realized that I was hopelessly in love with you. Two and a half years ago, in front of the Rookery at LaSalle and Adams. I had known you on and off for years, and the last year we were quite intimate. But it wasn’t until that very ordinary moment on a dreary winter afternoon, when I was about to cross the street and all I could see was you all around me, you and nothing else, that I finally seemed to have gathered the courage to acknowledge it. I still remember the exhilaration I felt then, that top of the world feeling, and I wanted to climb on top of that uber touristy tower, a building I usually try to disassociate myself from, and proclaim my love. So banal, I hear you say, no different from a lovesick, chick-flick watching yuppie about town. No, let me assure you, this was different. Not because I wasn’t a lovesick yuppie about town how much ever I would like to deny that, and certainly not because I spent the next three hours reading Sandburg borrowed from the nearest Borders, but because for the first time in my love life, in the same exact moment I realized that I was in love, I also felt utterly hopeless. You see, darling, I had always known that we didn’t stand a chance. We might have been meant for each other, but we weren’t meant to last.

I know what you are thinking. But no, just because this separation was expected does not mean that I am happy to let you go. This was always the moment that I would have to face somewhere in the near future, but remember that the near future didn’t arrive at my door for nearly three years. Three lovely years that we spent exploring each other. I remember the long walks in the park, stopping to watch the men play chess by the lake, the trips to Ravinia in late spring, sailing in the summer, running through the rain-drenched streets in fall, and the Art Institute in winter. We had our share of fights and I remember how much I used to sulk – when the wind didn’t spare me in January, every time I had to clear the ice, and that fateful day when I thought the car was stolen and walked around in sweltering temperatures searching and it was all your fault. I remember introducing you to my friends, singing your praises, and later feeling insanely jealous because they were getting to know you better.

I have spent countless number of days with you talking about how I would leave you one day as my restless heart would never be happy being in one place, but why then darling can I not bring myself to ticket an itinerary that I have blocked for the past three days? Why then have I been inventing one excuse after another for why I need to stay here with you? I know it won’t be long though. I will soon run out of excuses and get around to ticketing. And soon after that, I will be gone. No, not forever, never forever. We will meet again, I am sure, we will have our stolen weekends here and there; we will discover each other all over again, and this time with the pleasure of knowing that this affair is illicit and would last only for the weekend. Infidelity and betrayal for sure, but I wouldn’t be able to help myself. And I hope neither would you.

11 comments:

Falstaff said...

Veena: Very sweet and touching and all - but you realise this lover of yours is seeing literally millions of other women at the same time and probably won't even notice that you're gone?

Also, what do you mean stolen weekends 'here and there'. Unless I'm getting this completely wrong, wouldn't they have to be 'here' and not 'there'?

Sorry to be the one to break this to you, but the course of true love, unlike the traffic on lake shore drive, never did run smooth.

Veena said...

Falstaff: Yeah, millions of other women, and men too, very big shoulders he has. Sigh.
Ya ya, it should be just stolen weekends 'here'.

And Falsie, you, you of all people are giving me gyan on my love life? This is what my life has come to?
:(

Falstaff said...

Veena: Last time I checked, you were married, which means you don't qualify to have a love life anyway.

Moreover, I'll have you know that there are elements to having a love life that I'm an expert on. Like asexual relationships. Or being in love with those who don't even notice your existence. And long-distance relationships that end with the couple drifting apart and eventually breaking up. In general, anything that requires unrequited / star-crossed wallowing you can't do better than consult me. It's only happy relationships that I know nothing about. But your post doesn't suggest that that's what you have here.

The Black Mamba said...

dear child (in nice mallu syrian xtian father style) - you are getting positively senile. atleast get real and write about the kababs you will miss or the fondue place. when I first saw the title I thought your bedabong avatar was taking over and you were beginning miss the whole stolen-weekend routine - now that miyan-biwi will actually live together(tauba tauba). And it turns out you just pine for The Windy City (some bad loving all the wind must cause, I would say, now that you mention a love life)... oh wait, since you are a nice bong bau(heh, that is a nice doggie name - bau-bau), you must surely mean, you miss the Bindy Shity, no?

and falstaff,star-crossed wallowing - he he he he he...- devil save the world! you are positively jetlagged, which in your case might just mean that night falstaff (NF) shows up at school TAing/Researching/coffee drinking

and day falstaff (DF) maintains 42 and goes around leaving comments under the NF guise!!

Vivified Visage said...

I found it to be heartbreakingly romantic--I only hope that your lover reciprocates your feelings.

dazedandconfused said...

If it weren't for the comments here,i would have had no idea about what you were really talking about.

Should make it a point to read less of them...

sunshine said...

heartbreak - know it too well... u've captured all the feelings beautifully...

The Smiling Girl said...

That was a nicely narrated goodbye with a twister for the ending... :) I certainly didnt expect that.. :)
Came here thru DP.. :)

Ravages said...

LOL@ BM.
Bau-bau was the name I gave an ice-cream account I was working on...che. Now you go and all steal it.

Cheshire Cat said...

You'll never get over him. Trust me.

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