BM and Buddhi (BM's sibling) have gone off to Paris for a couple of days, so good time to malign BM on blog!
Trafalgar Square. BM happily climbs on top on one of the lions. Pictures duly shot.
Me: "Enough. If you want to spend some decent time at the National Gallery, you have to get down now"
BM: "Ok ok. Hmm, it seems a little scary"
Buddhi: "What's scary?"
BM: "Getting down this thing"
Me: "Who asked you to climb up?"
BM: "Thats not the point"
Bill: "Its alright. We will stand below. I will catch you if you fall"
Me: "That's supposed to make her feel better?"
Bill: "Nobody asked you. BM, I am here. So is Buddhi. You come down"
I start laughing. Buddhi takes out the camera she just packed up.
BM: "What are you people doing?"
Me: "What does it look like? Bill will save you. And we will capture this rescue on camera"
BM: "People are staring at me"
Me: "They just want the space. Its prime photo point. Get down"
BM: "Its all stone"
Me: "Don't think we can change that now. For God's sake, its hardly your height. Turn around and scramble down"
BM: "I know. I don't know why I am behaving like this"
Bill: "Its the sun"
Bill: "This is the first straight 48 hour period you haven't seen the sun, right? This happens all the time. Just get down"
Yeah yeah, she did. Finally. There were quite a few spectators. They clapped promptly.
So we are all at Tesco picking up milk and stuff on our way back home. Bill talks to his friends at the till as usual.
"That's what I was telling you about. They think he's from Lahore"
BM: "Yeah man. He doesn't seem to want to correct that impression. And where did he learn to speak such good Hindi?"
Me: "Kanpur. He tries to hide his UP past but we know alright"
Bill: "UP? Did you say UP darling? But isn't Kanpur in Maharashtra? And Nagpur in UP?"
Me: "Only during my X boards did I think that. Lost 0.5 marks in Geography because of stupid N Indian towns that I shouldn't have to care about anyway"
BM: "See, this is what I call convent school behaviour. Every other minute they will be cribbing about the 0.25 marks they lost somewhere"
Me: "Hello, Bill went to convent too"
BM: "Not boys convent. Just girls convent. Where all the nuns are abusive"
Buddhi: "Look. Someone is teaching Math"
Bulletin board post-it says: Maths tuition available from Cambridge graduate. Get you back on track. Call XXXXX
Me: "Nice. Good way to make money. You think we should let Bill do this?"
Buddhi: "Yes, we can let Bill teach bankers Math"
Me: "Wait, bankers already know that"
BM: "Says who? This is real Math we are talking about here. Not banker Math. I can so see this. We will put up posters saying "discover the Ramaujan in you". This will work. Bill, did you see this?"
Bill: "Yeah, its not a bad idea, is it? Lets go. We are late"
Me: "Wait, I know that number"
We all turn to look at Bill.
Bill: "What? I am not a Cambridge graduate"
Me: "We know but why does it have your number?"
Bill: "How do I know?"
BM: "You do know that your blog readership is all psycho?"
Me: "Including you?"
BM: "No, not me, everyone else is psycho"
Me: "So you just hang out with psychos?"
BM: "Not really. I am just this childhood friend type person. I don't have a choice"
Me: "I see. My blog you do not have a choice. But why do you read all the other psychos' blogs? Surely there's a choice there"
BM: "Yeah, well. Its like a learning experience"
Me: "Learning about how psychos write?"
BM: "Yeah. So that I know how to spot them easily"
Me: "Why would you want to spot them?"
BM: "So that I don't have to hang out with them"
Me: "So you hang out with psychos now because sometime in the future, once you have learnt all about them, you do not want to hang out with them? That sounds very psycho behaviour to me"
BM: "You are just turning this around for no reason. What I mean is normal people do not read your blog. So you have to appeal to normal people"
Me: "How do I appeal to normal people?"
BM: "Number of things you can do. For instance, you can start writing about how Bill and you met"
Me: "Yeah, thats an interesting story actually. Anoop carries poor broken-leg-me inside his apartment and Bill is parked on couch being all pretentious. And A had made vattha kozhambu. I remember that. Awesome food we had that day"
BM: "No dumbo. Not like that. Like how all feelings happened when you saw Bill"
Me: "Feelings happened? Oh, I get it now. This is the sort of post that people will go Awwww..over. I hate that. That's my second most hated type of posts"
BM: "What's the first?"
Me: "Posts that people come and empathize with blogger and say things like Hugs. Those posts should be banned. As for the commenters, well, lets not go there"
(Now please go back to previous post and see BM's comment.
BM: Two more H-word comments and you are out. All comments will be deleted)