(In case you were wondering, nothing's changed since the Paper Edition. We lead the same life in a different country. We still have the same reaction. Bill doesn't have a PhD or anything resembling a real job.)
And oh, Bill typed this up. I added some spice here and there of course but its mostly just Bill.
"Okay, so let's see, you were in India, then I was in Germany, then you were in US, then..."
"Then I will go to India, you will go to India, but to a different city, then I will go to Colombo, then..."
"...you will go to the US, then a month after, I will go the US, then you will go to Dubai"
"Isn't there something wrong here? Aren't married people, like, supposed to see each other more than once a month?"
"Well, you were the one complaining about how it feels strange to be together all the time, and pining for Pittsburgh-Chicago days"
"I know, that is not what I had in mind. People are asking appa if everything is all right between the two of us. If we are really together and all that"
"Didn't they used to ask him when I was finishing my phd?"
"Not anymore. Because he couldn't take it anymore, he lied and told them that you are already done"
"Hello, why is that a problem? Everyone including Her Majesty's Revenue Service and the U of Cambridge think you have a phd. Hell, until yesterday even Banker (Bill's friend from school who made his appearance here long ago) thought so"
"Yeah, and then you had to break it to him. Poor chap, he was telling everyone that I am Dr Bill"
"He will be alright. Now that he's come up with this idea of making you pretty and doing an expose..."
"He is doing what?"
"Oh, didn't we tell you? Banker and I discussed this yesterday. So the deal is you have been a post-doc fellow for a year now but you do not have a Phd. This is an expose that we are planning to sell to Oxford tabloids and make lots of money. Problem is this would only work if you were a little more pretty. So we are going to make you pretty"
"With friends like these!"
"Anyway, back to Appa and friends. We have to figure out something that he can tell them"
"Why don't you tell them things are grand between us? I get thoughtful gifts of hmm..wine bottles from every part of the world I travel to"
"And that is supposed to help? Appa will tell his friends that his son-in-law is making his daughter an alcoholic?"
"I am making you one? Right! I am sure you would hardly ever touch alcohol otherwise"
"Of course I don't. Shiva Shiva, I was such a nice Tam girl, until I met this vague north-indian"
"East! East! I know you lost marks in geography, but this is too much! You should ask your geography teacher to reimburse fees"
"Yes, I am Wasserkopf! My geography is bad, so I have to get you to navigate. Which is why we go round and round and round. It's my geography, of course"
"Besides the point. Don't evade the topic. You have a drinking problem"
"I have a drinking problem? Who drinks the other half of the bottle?"
"At least I accept the fact. Awareness is the first step to recovery"
"Where have you been, alcoholics anonymous?"
"Well, if you have to know, I got that from BM"
"BM? How is she involved in this?"
"She was afraid to tell you, but she told me. She thinks we have a drinking problem"
"I see. What else does she think that she's afraid to tell me about?"
"Again, not the point. Didn't MR also say that we drink too much?"
"Not only do you take BM seriously, you also take MR seriously. What's wrong with you?"
"I am a people person, remember? Of course I take them seriously"
"Value in relationships, that's what you are about!"
"That's what Bamse has taught me"
"Yes! Now we also listen to imaginary bears from Sweden"
"This is not just some bear. Bamse is the strongest and the kindest..."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever! Why don't you give up alcohol, if you are so concerned?"
"Sure, and go to Mahalakshmi temple every Sunday"
"We all know how you will claim you are going, and go across the street to Saravana Bhavan"
"And get dosai and appam! Mmmm..."
"And practice your Tam with the waiter"
"Hey, its not my fault if he thinks I am Tam and you are some vague N Indian"
"Yeah, proper Tam boy you are.."
"I will change name to Karthik Soundarajan!"
"Yes, and go pray at Mahalakshmi temple, eat at Saravana Bhavan, go home, and watch Rajni movies on Sun TV. Such a nice traditional Tam boy you are...."
"Yes, I am, aren't I?"
"In fact you are so traditional that even my parents will disown you"
"Ah! That might not be too bad. You know what the date is tomorrow, don't you?"
"No, No. STOP. I do not want to hear the M word, alright? Not from you of all people"
"Of course I am not going to say it. What do you take me for?"
"Yeah, its bad enough that my parents and your parents and all and sundry keep calling us and telling us how happy they are for us etc etc."
"I know, its like someone's won the Nobel or something. You know what I mean?"
"Exactly. Why can't they just forget it?"
"Yeah man, you would think two years is a long time for people to forget it"
"Two years? Did you say two years? Fuck"
"I know. Fuck"