Kudikara kudumbam

People, Bill post. Bill's promised to keep this blog thing alive while I am off catching up on some reading so I shall be nice and say nothing of the tickets-that-has-not-been-booked. (For now, that is). Not that he needs much help - with both sets of parents in and out over the past month, there is no dearth of blog material. For a while, it seemed like we were back in 2005 and its like bed-a-bong time all over again but thankfully things are under control now. Anyway, expect to see a few more parenty type posts in the next few days (though knowing Bill, this will be the last you will hear from him)

Living room. Veena on the phone. Amma[1] in the kitchen (where I am banned). Don takes me to one side.

"That part where I bit my tongue the other day. It is still hurting"

"We will go get some mouth gel. I am surprised it's still so bad after 3 days"

"I know what will help"

"What?"

"Just one shot. Whisky always helps"

"Heh. Okay, should I get you some ice?"

"No, no, I will get"

"Come to the living room, I will get all ice and whisky and we can have a manly father-in-law -- son-in-law whisky"

"No!"

"Oh. Why not?"

"I will go see what amma is doing in the kitchen"

"Because she will not shout at you as much as your daughter?"

"No no, because amma also likes whisky"

"What? Since when?"

"I gave her in the morning, she likes single malt"

"Wait, you were drinking away when we left?"

"What, me? No, it was amma"

"I mean, both of you"

"Well, we get bored sitting at home while you both are away"

"But you are not at home. You have been visiting places"

"Not all the time"

"I guess. So when you get bored, you sit and drink whisky?"

"Not really. If you can get us some toddy, that would work too"

"And this is like a family tradition?" (Don family! What did I expect?)

"Not in my family. In amma's family, yes. Any new person gets welcomed into the family by waking him up early in the morning and making him down a cask of fresh toddy. I remember they did that to me back in the day"

"So I am not part of family?"

"Who said?"

"But no one gave me alcohol when I visited amma's village"

"Yes, yes, I remember. That's because Veena said you can't handle such stuff"

"She said what?"

"She said you are this wine-drinking pretentious city boy who cannot handle the real stuff. Not like us, you know"

"I shall have you know that it is just not true. Next time I come there, you have to get me toddy"

Veena off the phone by now.

"Darling, the toddy guy who goes up the tree, he comes at 5"

"So?"

"So they make you wake up at 6, have toddy and put you to work in the farm. Like ploughing and stuff. You will die"

"6! Who wakes up at 6?"

"Non-Bongs. Real people"

"Yeah right. All this cos you don't want to feed me alcohol"

"Why would I want to do that?"

"Because you want to drink it all up"

"Nonsense"

"True only. How did I get married into such an alcoholic family[2], I don't understand"

[1] I know. We were all bewildered by this amma-appa comedy that Bill does, but my parents have finally gotten used to it. These vague uncultured Northies. They don't have concept of athai-mama. We will have to put up with this only.

[2] (For non-Tams) Kudikara kudumbam