(Blame this on Abi. He had the link to the Helsinki Complaints Choir video Which if you haven't seen, GO NOW! This post can wait.)
Saturday morning. The sun is nowhere to be seen. Which is surprising in London as much as you Californians find that difficult to believe.
Moi: So all visas done! I am going to book Berlin for end April. Thats ok with you?
Bill: Berlin's all cool but I have been there. Lets go to Helsinki.
Moi: The land of Kalevala! Yes, yes but I want to go to Berlin first.
Bill: Okay then we will go the weekend after. Its some early May bank holiday or something.
Moi: Yeah yeah they don't want to sell out to these Communists. No May Day. We will only have an early May bank holiday!
Bill: Yeah man, how dare we give in to those bloody communists in Chicago who think they deserve an eight-hour working day? Ofcourse not!
Moi: Very true. So is there enough to do in Helsinki?
Bill: Sacrilege. What do you mean is there enough to see in Helsinki?
Bill: We will go see the Penguins!
Moi: Wrong hemisphere. Wrong continent, I think.
Bill: Nonsense. Everyone goes to Helsinki to see the Penguins. You ignoramus!
Moi: What are you talking about?
Bill: Helsinki is a pilgrimage idiot. Not just one of your weekend jaunts.
Bill: In the beginning there was a dark formless void, much gnashing of teeth and breaking of windows.
Moi: Are you alright?
Bill: There came unto this Earth a holy man and he gave up the sauna to labor hard in a dark stable in his mother's house in Helsinki.
Bill: He looked at his creation finally and saw it was good.
Moi: It looks like in that Jesuit school you went to, they didn't teach you the Word quite as it really is.
Bill: He then went out into the world with the divine revelations carved on pieces of silicon. Every avatar needs a vahanam and he chose the Penguin, that noblest of all creatures.
Moi: Penguins are noble now?
Bill: People like you don't think a fat penguin really embodies the grace of the Word, which just tells me that you have never seen a angry penguin charging at you in excess of 100mph. You'd be a lot more careful about what you say if you had
Moi: Ah! I see.
Bill: He set out to conquer the world and went up on battle against the armies of Mordor..err..Redmond
Moi: But found to his horror that the dark Lord Gates was a little too much for him. And so he lives on in California, an accidental revolutionary, dreaming of the day he will conquer the world but knowing fully well that the world never belonged to men of the revolution.
Bill: You bloody capitalist pig! You will wake up one day to the world of the Penguin and the Gnu. You will see then!
PS: Yes, all men I know are like this only. Once, in the long distant past, Anoop and I went to the Shedd Aquarium. After shooting the penguins there with his funky SLR for a good hour, he turned to me and said "One day the Penguins will take over the world. One server at a time. You will see".