A Banker for Bill

Those of you who commute to Canary Wharf everyday will no doubt see this at the tube station soon. For everyone else, here's how we are going to find an ibanker for Bill.


Maybe they have to be crazy.

How else can you stare at a ceiling
and see the proof for Fermat's last theorem?
Or sit in silence at King's Cross
and memorize railway timetables?
Or gaze at a red planet
and think of the unwritten Foundation?

While some see them as crazy ones,
we see geeks.

Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can get away with it, are the ones who do.

Special thanks (Homage, BM wants me to say) to the good folks at Apple, phd comics and xkcd

Scenes from a Marriage: Mistress Bill

Late night phone call from BM.

"So what's this about Bill remarrying?"

"Yeah, we figured that he has to do something useful in life"

"Who's we?"

"Yeah okay, I did. But he is in agreeance"

"Obviously. So what's that going to achieve?"

"Other than the fact that his mom can now have daughter-in-law named Sharmishta...."

"You have picked out the girl too?"

"Not really. You know how in some communities they change the daughter-in-law's name to whatever they want? We can change this girl's name to Sharmishta"

"I see"

"So anyway, we can bring her here and she can do all the housework"

"That way"

"Yeah, that way"

"You think it will work? Especially with all of you under the same roof"

"I don't mind having her around. So what if its deluxe quality polygamous married sex? Its all the same, isn't it? I think it will work"

"You don't mind! It didn't cross your mind that this Sharmista person might mind?"

"That's also there. No man, we will find some poor girl who wouldn't mind. She will be happy to have a roof over her head types"

"So this is also your saving the world plan? If you can't save the world, atleast save a poor soul from the streets of Calcutta"

"I didn't think of it that way buy now that you say it, yeah, I guess"

"It won't work. Not with your bleeding heart liberal mindset"

"Yeah, I can see myself feeling all sorry for this girl and I will get her to strike and stuff"

"Yes Your Redness, you will only end up making her some union leader"

"Hmm..Thanks for shooting down the only idea I had about making Bill useful"

"C'mon, there are so many other options"

"Like what?"

"Think. Why get someone to do the housework? Get some ibanker woman to marry Bill and you have a house with housework taken care of. In London!"

"Yeah right. How will I live in this house?"

"Hmm...let me think about that"

"No, you are right. I got it. Just forget the marriage part. We will get Bill to be some sort of mistress character. Then he will have a flat on his own, right?"

"Right. And since this ibanker woman will come visit only once in a while, you can also live there"

"Yes. I will just run away when she is around. Or I can be Bill's cousin or something"

"Excellent"

"But how do we get this woman to fall for Bill? I see a slight problem there"

"He could be like that character in that Woody Allen story"

"Whore of Mensa?"

"Yeah"

"But this is an ibanker. What does she care about all that?"

"If I know anything about ibankers, they are pretentious. It will work"

"Yeah, I can see that. Dude, I do think we have a really good plan. Now to find this woman"

"I think you should run this by your husband first"

"He won't mind. Hey Bill.."

Bill looks up. For the past couple of hours, he has been tinkering with Shonku. Something to do with Gutsy. That story some other time.

"So we are thinking we will get some ibanker woman for you. You can be a kept man. That okay with you?"

"Yes, as long as you find this woman. I like being a kept man"

"You do?"

"Of course"

"Really?"

"Hello? Are you alright? Of course I do. If I didn't like it, what am I doing with you? For nearly six years now, that too"

"Good point. BM, he is set. Lets discuss how to go about finding this person"


(To be continued)

Chicagoland story

Still sort of stuck in Chicago. The city remains the same. It was a little sad to see that Mr Big Shoulders didn't miss me as much as I missed him. But other than that, a thoroughly enjoyable trip. Except for the shopping expeditions which were a total pain but atleast I got my annual shopping done. So anyway, since I am still stuck somewhere there, more Chicago stories:

Friday night. A&J, A~ and I went to Emilios for dinner. Last minute, I call SY, the cute kid from Hong Kong / Malaysia who works with me in London. SY spent most of her young life in Hong Kong, and KL and last four years in London where she went to the Uni. She's been to Chicago for meetings a couple of times but has never ventured outside of say, Michigan Ave. Dinner over, we walk A&J to their apartment and get on a cab to get us back to the hotel. A~ is staying over. Her car's parked in Old Town as we were too cheap to pay the $40 overnight parking fee next to the hotel. So we are in this cab and A~ and I start talking about the next day.

"What time should we leave tomorrow?"

"I am thinking we should have brunch at Orange at about 11 and then leave. We have to get on 290 so it makes sense"

(SY) "Where are you going tomorrow?"

"Shopping"

"You have to drive to go shopping?"

"Yes, we are going to this outlet mall[1] outside the city"

"Can't you take a bus or train to get there?"

"No. And its way outside the city. A good 45 minute drive"

"Oh, you mean its in the suburbs?"

"Yes, it is"

SY ponders over this for a minute. She then turns to A~. Earnestly.

"So you live in the suburbs?"

"Yes"

"How far is your suburb from here?"

"About 30 miles North West"

"Are the suburbs really amazing?"

A~ is slightly taken aback. I am trying hard to stifle laughter.

"What do you mean?"

"Do you have huge mansions that all look alike?"

"Not mansions. They come in different sizes but by city standards they are big"

"Do you live in one of them?"

"I live in a townhome. Which really isn't that big"

"Okay. So are the suburbs really beautiful? With wide open spaces everywhere?"

A~ sounds lost.

"There's a lot of space. Its a lot quieter down there. Some people think its beautiful. But you have to drive everywhere"

At this point, I give up. A~ joins me and we both are laughing so hard that SY thinks something's terribly wrong.

"Is it something I said? What is funny?"

"Well SY, these suburbs aren't exactly some planet on the far end of the galaxy inhabited by aliens, you know"

"How do I know? I have never been to one"

"You can come with us if you want"

"Maybe I will come. I didn't mean to be rude. I just wanted to know about suburbs"

"You are not rude. Its just funny"

"It wasn't meant to be funny. My knowledge of suburbs comes from Desperate Housewives. I just wanted to know if that's how they are in reality. Looks like the show isn't too much of an exaggeration"

[1] Remember the time when Falsie went shopping? Same mall.

Booker reviews

Yes, am back in London. First things first. Long overdue, I know. But better late.....

Reviews from this year's Booker Mela:
(Cat: I am still waiting for yours)

Darkmans by Nicola Barker
Self Help by Edward Docx
The Gift Of Rain by Tan Twan Eng
The Gathering by Anne Enright - Falstaff
The Reluctant Fundamentalist by Mohsin Hamid - Veena
The Welsh Girl by Peter Ho Davies - Falstaff
Mister Pip by Lloyd Jones - Falstaff, Veena
Gifted by Nikita Lalwani
On Chesil Beach by Ian McEwan - Falstaff, Bill
What Was Lost by Catherine O'Flynn - Falstaff, Veena
Consolation by Michael Redhill - Falstaff
Animal's People by Indra Sinha - Falstaff
Winnie & Wolf by A.N. Wilson

More pinkness

If a consenting adult is not readily available, most women would just go with the vibrator. Serves the purpose and all. But we bloggers take this to a different level. I am cool. I am a thinker. I want to be mean to someone. I rock. Hmm. Yes, Tags! Awards! Thinking blogger! Rocker blogger! Whatever.


*****

Driver of 6216 TX: You rock. You really do. If I had a Rocking Girl Cab Driver award, I would give it to you. No other cab driver would have come back to Michigan and Lake on Friday afternoon looking for the passenger who left her wallet in the cab. I mean, if I was a cab driver and this random Indian woman had left her pink, as-heavy-as-a-briefcase wallet in my cab, I would have just thrown it on the lake while cruising on Lake Shore Drive.

Quick notes from Chicago

My mother used to experiment with various things in our balcony back home. After trying all sorts of things, she finally settled on mint a few years ago. It is the freshest and tastiest mint in the world - those of you who have tasted my pudina pulao or Bill's mojitos know what I am talking about. Anyway, what I was going to say was whenever I go home the day I get there just goes away in a blur. The next morning I wake up usually jetlagged, get out of bed and open the door out to the balcony to look at how the mint is doing. That's when the feeling of home comes in. Not quite but close enough experience this Monday as I walked out of the hotel and (after nearly a year) ran along the lake. Needless to say, its lovely to be back.

*****

As always, its the people. The Nigerian cab driver (I always get them and they all love me. I am sure I have a Nigerian cab driver fan club somewhere in the city) who really really wanted to know why Indian men never date black women. Or the doorman at A & J's apartment who let me in at 6.45 AM when I told him that I just came from London and wanted to surprise my friends who had no idea I was here. Such nice people. I mean, who else believes stories like this? Unfortunately, the same can't be said about the people I call my friends who weren't exactly happy when I nearly knocked their door down trying to wake them up.

*****

Movie time. I served the King of England and Jellyfish, both as part of the Chicago Film Festival. Loved the first. Jiri Menzel turned up for the Q&A session which was really cool. But people, just one request: maybe its not a great idea to practice your Czech especially when there's an interpreter around. And when its like midnight already and some of us have a 7 AM training session the next morning. We are here to hear the man, not to hear you messing up the language.

Jellyfish was okay, details were awesome but didn't feel like they had it all together. Can't complain though as the only reason I went to see it was for the Keret association. BM, I hope you are appropriately jealous

Today, I want to go see Lumet's Before the Devil Knows You're Dead but Space Bar wants me to go listen to István Szabó. What should I do?

*****

Apparently, the Chicago film festival is not an acceptable reason for why you don't want to go to the team bowling event. So I had to go with the bridal shower. Everyone was ooh ahh needless to say. Some people. Well.