Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Scenes from a Marriage: Mistress Bill

Late night phone call from BM.

"So what's this about Bill remarrying?"

"Yeah, we figured that he has to do something useful in life"

"Who's we?"

"Yeah okay, I did. But he is in agreeance"

"Obviously. So what's that going to achieve?"

"Other than the fact that his mom can now have daughter-in-law named Sharmishta...."

"You have picked out the girl too?"

"Not really. You know how in some communities they change the daughter-in-law's name to whatever they want? We can change this girl's name to Sharmishta"

"I see"

"So anyway, we can bring her here and she can do all the housework"

"That way"

"Yeah, that way"

"You think it will work? Especially with all of you under the same roof"

"I don't mind having her around. So what if its deluxe quality polygamous married sex? Its all the same, isn't it? I think it will work"

"You don't mind! It didn't cross your mind that this Sharmista person might mind?"

"That's also there. No man, we will find some poor girl who wouldn't mind. She will be happy to have a roof over her head types"

"So this is also your saving the world plan? If you can't save the world, atleast save a poor soul from the streets of Calcutta"

"I didn't think of it that way buy now that you say it, yeah, I guess"

"It won't work. Not with your bleeding heart liberal mindset"

"Yeah, I can see myself feeling all sorry for this girl and I will get her to strike and stuff"

"Yes Your Redness, you will only end up making her some union leader"

"Hmm..Thanks for shooting down the only idea I had about making Bill useful"

"C'mon, there are so many other options"

"Like what?"

"Think. Why get someone to do the housework? Get some ibanker woman to marry Bill and you have a house with housework taken care of. In London!"

"Yeah right. How will I live in this house?"

"Hmm...let me think about that"

"No, you are right. I got it. Just forget the marriage part. We will get Bill to be some sort of mistress character. Then he will have a flat on his own, right?"

"Right. And since this ibanker woman will come visit only once in a while, you can also live there"

"Yes. I will just run away when she is around. Or I can be Bill's cousin or something"


"But how do we get this woman to fall for Bill? I see a slight problem there"

"He could be like that character in that Woody Allen story"

"Whore of Mensa?"


"But this is an ibanker. What does she care about all that?"

"If I know anything about ibankers, they are pretentious. It will work"

"Yeah, I can see that. Dude, I do think we have a really good plan. Now to find this woman"

"I think you should run this by your husband first"

"He won't mind. Hey Bill.."

Bill looks up. For the past couple of hours, he has been tinkering with Shonku. Something to do with Gutsy. That story some other time.

"So we are thinking we will get some ibanker woman for you. You can be a kept man. That okay with you?"

"Yes, as long as you find this woman. I like being a kept man"

"You do?"

"Of course"


"Hello? Are you alright? Of course I do. If I didn't like it, what am I doing with you? For nearly six years now, that too"

"Good point. BM, he is set. Lets discuss how to go about finding this person"

(To be continued)


Falstaff said...

*resisting urge to make jokes about women who fit the Bill*

Good plan. But why stop at one? As you say yourself, this banker woman will only come visit once in a while. That's poor capacity utilization. I say find 3-4 of these women and set up a scheduling algorithm.

Veena said...

Forget the jokes. Please to tell if you know any women in London who fit the bill.

Yeah but what's the point? 3-4 women will make for a good movie but won't serve my purpose. This way, I get to spend time with Bill in a flat where everything is taken care of.

Falstaff said...

a) I do not associate with pretentious I-bankers (surely MR is the right person to ask?)

b) If I knew of a not unattractive, rich I-banker living in London who wanted to be in a relationship with an intellectual but otherwise useless grad-student type and was willing to set him up in an apartment and pay for his keep, you think I would pass her on to you?

Veena said...

a) Yeah but how many of MR's banker friends (non psycho friends) want to be in a relationship with someone like Bill?

b) You can't stake your claim to the entire world. You find someone in NY, you keep to yourself. Leave this part of the world to us.

Ravages/CC said...


I do know one ibanker types in London, but unfortunately, he is a, well, he. So unless Bill wants to bat for the other team, I can introduce him to you :)


Veena said...

Ravages: Bill can't bat. Period. What he can do is to keep scores for both the teams. For all the games they have ever played or will play in the future. If your friend is ok with that, please to introduce him :)

Ravages/CC said...

Will check with the friend.