Saturday, January 12, 2008

Lets talk. Not.


"Ma, its me"

"Hello, why didn't you call yesterday? I left a message"

"I know. I was busy at work last week and by the time I got back, it was too late for you. Anyway, what's happening?"

"Here, Bill is here. Talk to him"

"Amma, no, no, wait"


"I can talk to Bill later. I did not call you to speak to Bill"

"But Bill said you hadn't spoken to him in over a week"

"He did, did he?"

"Here, speak to him"

"No ma. I will speak to him later. Give me news. All Pongal prep over?"

"Are you both fighting?"


"Are you and Bill having a fight?"

"No, why would you think that?"

"Because you refuse to talk to him. What else could it be?"

"Amma, I am not refusing to talk to him. I am saying that I will talk to him after I talk to you"

"But you have not talked to him whole of last week!"

"Amma, don't repeat things. I know. I will speak to him"

"Yes, you speak to him now. This fighting is not good"



"What's up?"

"I don't know. Apparently we are having a fight or something"

"Your parents are strange"

"Like yours are any less strange"

"True enough. So I just got here and I get fed like hajjar things. Fish and stuff. And banana tree ka stem. How come you never told me about banana stem?"

"What about banana stem?"

"Well, how come you never make it? I never knew this thing tastes so good. You should make it for me"

"I see"

"What do you see?"

"This vacation is India. Looks like you are getting used to people cooking and feeding you"

"Yeah you know how it is. But I wasn't asking you to make food all the time. I know what that means for me. I am just asking you to make banana stem"

"Ok, here's the deal. Say that in Tam and I will make it"

"Say what?"

"Banana stem. Vazhaithandu"

"Yeah, like I can say that. Lets be realistic alright? Anyway, what's up with work?"

"Little crazy. This Gorforsaken Horsham place is too much man. Bloody National Rail is always late so I have decided to stay there couple of days a week until the project is over"

"I see"


"Some of us have been doing longer commutes for just over a year now. We don't get to stay there a couple of nights a week"

"If you have the budget to stay there for a couple of nights and pay your share of the London rent, no one is stopping you"

"Of course"

"Yep. Anyway, what plans now that you are there?"

"Apparently we are doing whirlwind trip to Cholaland. Starting tonight. Paatti wants to see me and stuff"

"Yeah. She didn't want to see me"

"Guess that's because she can actually understand what you are saying"

"Guess so. Anyway, where are parents? Want to talk to them"

"They have run away. I think they are upstairs or something. I think they think they are giving us privacy or something"

"What nonsense? That doesn't sound like my parents. And its not like we have anything to talk about"

"Exactly. Even if we did, I am coming there next week and we have to be together forever or something. Why do we have to talk to each other now?"

"Try explaining that to them"

"I know. My parents aren't exactly better. Last two days in Cal, they were like how come she hasn't called?"

"What did you tell them?"

"That you have this secret lover for when I am not around and so you are busy"

"Nice. What does this guy do?"

"We didn't quite get there. They told me to shut up"

"You should try the same with my parents next time they ask you why we aren't talking"

"Sounds like an idea"

"Yeah, Don will immediately send minions to London to skewer this guy"

"No man. Knowing him, he will skewer me and start wedding planning all over again. Any excuse to have another party"

"Guess so. Anyway, gotta go. I will call on Don's cell later to talk to them. You pretend to sleep or something so that they don't ask you to speak to me"



rads said...

hahahah :)

Am so envious of your banter. Sweet :)

Ravages/CC said...

How come everybody gets to go to Cholaland but me. Damn!
Double damn!

Tabula Rasa said...

add "cocl" to the lexicon -- choking on couch with laughter. tpb.

zedzded said...


poor Bill ! I can imagine him chopping vazhaithandu and grating coconut for the vazhaithandu poriyal once he gets back to london. So much for living with Don Jr.

Veena said...

Rads: Sweet? Oh no. Just so that you know, that's one of the adjectives thats banned from this blog

Ravages: Well, I don't too. Bill does.

TPB: This is an honour! Good to see you here. Some of us were convinved that you are a figment of tr's imagination

zedzed: Ya ya. Now to find out where I can find vazhaithandu in London

Tabula Rasa said...

twas convivial :-D

Cheshire Cat said...

What's with this whole vazahaithandu fetish? I've never understood it. The thing tastes bland, bland, it's kind of like a culinary placebo...

blackmamba said...

cat: aiyyo rama! What is this? Carelessly risking your life with comments like that. Then again, these must be the benefits of being a cheshire cat.

What are your thoughts on horsegram rasam + chutney (for that is exactly what you should be having your vazahaithandu poriyal with)? No, actually, since we like your writing, keep them to yourself.

Space Bar said...

we were going to make vazhaithandu morkootu this morning, but looking at the bombed out place our kitchen is, decided on vazhakkai mesiyal instead.

bananas have to figure one way or the other.

veena, you mean saravana bhavan doesn't stretch to thandu poriyal? tsk tsk.

H said...

Absolutely LOVE your Scenes from a marriage posts. Thought I'd ask you...does Bill have a blog too? Reading the same conversation from his end might be fun


Anonymous said...

What??? You mean you have this totally phree listening-service at the other end to listen to potentially endless rants about Life, How I have been ShortChanged, Why I am Brilliant but the World won't Recognize It and Why suchandsuch Is a Bitch to Me, (insert topic here) and You.gasp.Do. NOT.use it?

Its even better when you can use it as a test of undying adoration, you know. Like call at exactly 2 pm or 9:30 when you know they have that really important meeting scheduled and if they sound less than enthused by your "I'm so Unlucky" Bitchmoan-for-the-Day, you say, "Oh well, I KNEW you didn't love me at all, otherwise you would listen." (which itself can give rise to the even more endless rant of "You Don't Love Me'.)

Oh wait.... I forget. You're not the grad student. You are the one with the meetings. Oh well!!!