Wednesday, September 03, 2008

The Double Life of Bill

Yesterevening.

"Hey"

"Yeah"

"I will be late"

"Ok. Missed train?"

"No. Have visitor"

"I thought that was last week when you had all those French kids"

"Not them. They have gone back. This week we have some other visitor"

"Who is this now?"

"Can't tell you"

"What?"

"Its classified"

"Classified! Dude, is this MI5?"

"No. Can't tell you. I gotta go"

"Ok"

This morning. Bill is up and about tinkering with Shonku.

"When did you come back last night?"

"Past midnight. Caught last train"

"Oh ok"

"I think I woke up amma when I came in"

"Did you?"

"Well, yeah, I didn't have the key na. So she had to open the door types"

"Oh yeah"

"Don't think she is happy with me"

"She is not?"

"No"

"Why?"

"Maybe because I was late?"

"Nonsense"

"If you say so. Dude."

"What?"

"What is wrong with your Space Bar?"

"What did she do?"

"Who reads TOI?"

"Obv she does. She even reads comments"

"I know. I didn't realise that people read such stuff"

"Well, they do. And then they get worked up about comments on TOI. Next, she will start reading rediff comments and start posting about them"

"Randomness. Hey, I have to rush"

"Isn't it a little early?"

"No, I have to go early today. Meet someone"

Amma shouts.

"Veena, ask Bill if he wants breakfast"

"He is up. You ask him"

"See, she is not talking to me"

"What are you both talking about? Amma! What is going on?"

Amma switches to Tam.

"Nothing ma"

"Why are you not talking to Bill?"

"Who said I am not talking to Bill?"

"Ok. no problemo then"

"Did you see him last night?"

"No amma, I was asleep when he got in"

"I opened the door for him. He stumbled"

"What?"

"Yes. I am concerned"

"About what?"

"He was drunk"

"Yeah, he probably went to the pub last night. He said he had to take some visitor out"

"No ma, not like that"

"Then?"

"Do you remember N uncle?"

"Yeah. That alcoholic chap. What about him?"

"He was like this only. He would get drunk and come back home very late"

"Of course"

"No ma. I am telling you it wasn't like he had a couple of drinks. I know alcoholics when I see them"

"Yeah right. Which is why you insisted on getting him married to your daughter"

"But Bill wasn't alcoholic then!"

"And he is now? I suppose that's my fault then"

"I don't know. I am just saying. You also drink so much that no one knows what's going on here"

"What are you saying?"

"You know what happened to N uncle's wife and kids?"

"Amma, you have too much time on your hands"

"Well, just don't tell me I didn't tell you later"

Back in the bedroom.

"She thinks you are some drunkard"

"I know"

"She thinks I am alcoholic too"

"That's not new"

"Very funny. Where did you go last night?"

"To some pub. There was this visitor"

"The mysterious visitor who you had to take to pub"

"Yeah"

"What did he want?"

"Just to talk"

"About what?"

"The work we do"

"Was he interested?"

"Very"

"Will he give you a job?"

"He seemed interested"

"That's not what I asked. Will he give you a job?"

"I don't know. We are thinking funding"

"So he might fund?"

"Yeah"

"What about job?"

"Maybe"

"Where will that be?"

"Maryland. Oh wait"

"I see. What is No Such Agency doing in Cambridge?"

"How do I know?"

"Has someone told them its not their country?"

"I don't think they consider any part of the world as not belonging to their country"

"And you are going to work for them?"

"When did I say that?"

"I knew it. I knew this is what you would do"

"Do what?"

"Go work for the fucking NSA"

"Dude, we had a visitor. That doesn't mean anything"

"Yeah right. Wait, all these years you have been really working for them, haven't you?"

"While being an alcoholic, yes"

"You have had this double life all this while and I never knew! How stupid of me"

"Yes, Bill's double life. How Bill got drunk and started working for the NSA! I can almost see the post"

"Sure you can"

2 comments:

Space Bar said...

Oh. My. God. I am now a part of your marital conversations? Give me a moment to recover myself.

And I don't read the ToI. I read blogs. Such as Aishwarya's and then I follow links and land up on pages where Hyderabadis say priceless things. What to do. I am as helpless as you guys when these things happen.

Veena said...

Well, since you don't have to have marital conversations, I feel like we should include you in ours. Share the pain types.

Ya whatever. All random excuses for wanting to rant.