Understanding Bongs I

My turn. So I have been reading this book recently which has given me a few insights into the Bong way of life and why Bongs, you know, turn out the way they do. In the interests of being useful, I thought I shall share the info with the rest of you.

For instance, take 1857. I still remember how I first learnt about our first war of independence and how it was explained to me. I am sure a great many of you would probably have come across 1857 in a similar manner. But let us see now how Bong kids learn about it:

"During the time of the Mutiny, Lucknow was ruled by the Nawab. The British forces were all stationed in the Residency here. Henry Lawrence was their Commander-in-Chief. When trouble started, most of the other British men and women in Lucknow went and took refuge in a hospital. Sir Henry fought bravely, but was eventually killed by the Sepoys. What happened to the British after that is obvious from the state of this building (The Residency). If Sir Colin Campbell hadn't arrived with reinforcements, heaven knows what greater horrors the British in Lucknow would have had to endure...This was their billiard room. Just look what those cannon balls did to it!"

Not kidding. And then we wonder where this colonial hangover came from?!

What? Where is this from? Doesn't mean Bong kids read this. Really? The story is called The Emperor's Ring. The book is The Complete Adventures of Feluda[1][2], Volume 1. Which Bong do you know who grew up not having read this?

[1] Yes, I know. Their most endearing detective sounds like a some sort of a combo between ice cream and oral sex. I rest my case.

[2]
Q: How do you know Feluda is a work of ficton?
A: Because Feluda wins the National Rifle Championships. As all of us know, all Bongs have eyesight power greater than 2 or less than -2, so no Bong could ever win the Rifle Championships unless it was a special championships where all the other competitors are blind.