The British, well, the British government has gone bonkers. Apparently, they are trying to figure out the essence of Britain. A defining motto for Britain that somehow exemplifies British values. Yes, I know. How more un-British can you get? I mean, after telling the world for about 300 years that they play in a league of their own, now they are trying to play catch-up with the French and the Americans. Really.
So anyway, a few of my favorite readers' suggestions from the Times of London motto contest:
4. Once Mighty Empire, Slightly Used
3. No Motto Please, We are British
2. Yanks who missed the boat
1. Dipso, Fatso, Bingo, Asbo, Tesco
I like this short motto idea alright but do think that since this is Britain we are talking about, mottos have to be longer than six words. (Six words is for the Americans. Uh, maybe not. Three works.) After all, this is Sir Humphrey land. I would prefer something like:
All services on the Empire line are currently suspended due to critical staff shortage and an earlier emergency due to a person under the train. We apologize for the inconvenience and request passengers to make use of alternative routes while we rectify the fault with a little help from our Polish friends.
The good news is thanks to the British Civil Service, none of these mottos will ever get past Whitehall. I can so see Sir Humphrey type character telling Mr. Brown:
Well, it's clear that the committee has agreed that your new policy is a really excellent plan but in view of some of the doubts being expressed, may I propose that I recall that after careful consideration, the considered view of the committee was that while they considered that the proposal met with broad approval in principle, that some of the principles were sufficiently fundamental in principle and some of the considerations so complex and finely balanced in practice, that, in principle, it was proposed that the sensible and prudent practice would be to submit the proposal for more detailed consideration, laying stress on the essential continuity of the new proposal with existing principles, and the principle of the principle arguments which the proposal proposes and propounds for their approval, in principle.
Please feel free to add your mottos in the comments section.
Bill's contribution: The sun never rises on the British Empire. If it does, you are hallucinating. Please mind the gap between the train and the platform.
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Sunday, January 20, 2008
I love Bill (sometimes) (Part 2)
"So where are we going?"
"We?"
"Yeah, you are planning trips for the year na?"
"I am planning for myself. If you want to come, you plan"
"Its not like everyone who comes with you plan trips. I am sure BM is invited to a couple of trips. She isn't planning anything"
"Yes, but she is paying for her trip. Who is paying for yours?"
"Oh. Like that"
"Yes, like that only"
Bill goes back to staring at ceiling. Then he fires up Shonku and starts typing furiously.
"I didn't realise you had work this weekend"
"Well, its not work"
"Then?"
"Wait"
"What are you upto?"
"I said wait na"
A few minutes later.
"Check mail"
"Hmm..what is this now? Clues?"
"Can I come too?"
"This is how you pay for the trips?"
"Well, who else will do this for you if I am not around? You will take me, no?"
"Yes, my resident crossword puzzle generator, I most certainly will. Just as long as it is all cryptic!"
Of places (you have taken me to!)
ACROSS
5 Cousin and company make us sick!
9 Acid beginning disturbingly trouble the Oracle
10 When staying together laser discs are a big no-no? That's backwards!
11 A battle of Tamil flowers makes for after-wedding calm
13 Boiling chicken bones in this is a home for dynamite!
15 A lot of french tea is really nice to boat on
17 From North to South, we take an inverse to go hiking
18 Stamp the beginning of crepes!
19 Artificial intelligence emerges after view of whales
20 Explosive? Yes captain, that's the city by the sea.
DOWN
1 No professionals in proven frozen water need look for a merchant
2 Drinking beer disturbs an etch of cumin
3 Fragrance misses a lot of ruins
4 The Two Towers was fashionable in the past
6 You stain the good home of spiritual friends!
7 That is a lot of laundry for a visit of a few hours!
8 Saintly mother of president has lots of wine and tapenade
12 Railroads in a forest are a good market
14 A pound of rein creates history for the century
16 A Tom Cruise movie is too hot for a french friend
PS: No kitchen appliances were harmed in the production of this post.
"We?"
"Yeah, you are planning trips for the year na?"
"I am planning for myself. If you want to come, you plan"
"Its not like everyone who comes with you plan trips. I am sure BM is invited to a couple of trips. She isn't planning anything"
"Yes, but she is paying for her trip. Who is paying for yours?"
"Oh. Like that"
"Yes, like that only"
Bill goes back to staring at ceiling. Then he fires up Shonku and starts typing furiously.
"I didn't realise you had work this weekend"
"Well, its not work"
"Then?"
"Wait"
"What are you upto?"
"I said wait na"
A few minutes later.
"Check mail"
"Hmm..what is this now? Clues?"
"Can I come too?"
"This is how you pay for the trips?"
"Well, who else will do this for you if I am not around? You will take me, no?"
"Yes, my resident crossword puzzle generator, I most certainly will. Just as long as it is all cryptic!"
Of places (you have taken me to!)
ACROSS
5 Cousin and company make us sick!
9 Acid beginning disturbingly trouble the Oracle
10 When staying together laser discs are a big no-no? That's backwards!
11 A battle of Tamil flowers makes for after-wedding calm
13 Boiling chicken bones in this is a home for dynamite!
15 A lot of french tea is really nice to boat on
17 From North to South, we take an inverse to go hiking
18 Stamp the beginning of crepes!
19 Artificial intelligence emerges after view of whales
20 Explosive? Yes captain, that's the city by the sea.
DOWN
1 No professionals in proven frozen water need look for a merchant
2 Drinking beer disturbs an etch of cumin
3 Fragrance misses a lot of ruins
4 The Two Towers was fashionable in the past
6 You stain the good home of spiritual friends!
7 That is a lot of laundry for a visit of a few hours!
8 Saintly mother of president has lots of wine and tapenade
12 Railroads in a forest are a good market
14 A pound of rein creates history for the century
16 A Tom Cruise movie is too hot for a french friend
PS: No kitchen appliances were harmed in the production of this post.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Planning weekend
Ireland, well, to express solidarity; Hungary and Czech and Slovak lands because they have been deprioritised for far too long; and Central Asia because someone's got to take up where the Prof left off in Kashgar, go west into prime Great Game territory and write another 136 posts about it, and since no one was willing to do it, I figured I'd volunteer.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Pongal time
Bill boy celebrates Pongal with Don and Amma and sends me pictures. I spent the day in cold rainy Horsham working so that he could fly halfway across the world to celebrate Pongal with my parents.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Lets talk. Not.
"Hello?"
"Ma, its me"
"Hello, why didn't you call yesterday? I left a message"
"I know. I was busy at work last week and by the time I got back, it was too late for you. Anyway, what's happening?"
"Here, Bill is here. Talk to him"
"Amma, no, no, wait"
"What?"
"I can talk to Bill later. I did not call you to speak to Bill"
"But Bill said you hadn't spoken to him in over a week"
"He did, did he?"
"Here, speak to him"
"No ma. I will speak to him later. Give me news. All Pongal prep over?"
"Are you both fighting?"
"What?"
"Are you and Bill having a fight?"
"No, why would you think that?"
"Because you refuse to talk to him. What else could it be?"
"Amma, I am not refusing to talk to him. I am saying that I will talk to him after I talk to you"
"But you have not talked to him whole of last week!"
"Amma, don't repeat things. I know. I will speak to him"
"Yes, you speak to him now. This fighting is not good"
"Hey"
"Hey"
"What's up?"
"I don't know. Apparently we are having a fight or something"
"Your parents are strange"
"Like yours are any less strange"
"True enough. So I just got here and I get fed like hajjar things. Fish and stuff. And banana tree ka stem. How come you never told me about banana stem?"
"What about banana stem?"
"Well, how come you never make it? I never knew this thing tastes so good. You should make it for me"
"I see"
"What do you see?"
"This vacation is India. Looks like you are getting used to people cooking and feeding you"
"Yeah you know how it is. But I wasn't asking you to make food all the time. I know what that means for me. I am just asking you to make banana stem"
"Ok, here's the deal. Say that in Tam and I will make it"
"Say what?"
"Banana stem. Vazhaithandu"
"Yeah, like I can say that. Lets be realistic alright? Anyway, what's up with work?"
"Little crazy. This Gorforsaken Horsham place is too much man. Bloody National Rail is always late so I have decided to stay there couple of days a week until the project is over"
"I see"
"What?"
"Some of us have been doing longer commutes for just over a year now. We don't get to stay there a couple of nights a week"
"If you have the budget to stay there for a couple of nights and pay your share of the London rent, no one is stopping you"
"Of course"
"Yep. Anyway, what plans now that you are there?"
"Apparently we are doing whirlwind trip to Cholaland. Starting tonight. Paatti wants to see me and stuff"
"Yeah. She didn't want to see me"
"Guess that's because she can actually understand what you are saying"
"Guess so. Anyway, where are parents? Want to talk to them"
"They have run away. I think they are upstairs or something. I think they think they are giving us privacy or something"
"What nonsense? That doesn't sound like my parents. And its not like we have anything to talk about"
"Exactly. Even if we did, I am coming there next week and we have to be together forever or something. Why do we have to talk to each other now?"
"Try explaining that to them"
"I know. My parents aren't exactly better. Last two days in Cal, they were like how come she hasn't called?"
"What did you tell them?"
"That you have this secret lover for when I am not around and so you are busy"
"Nice. What does this guy do?"
"We didn't quite get there. They told me to shut up"
"You should try the same with my parents next time they ask you why we aren't talking"
"Sounds like an idea"
"Yeah, Don will immediately send minions to London to skewer this guy"
"No man. Knowing him, he will skewer me and start wedding planning all over again. Any excuse to have another party"
"Guess so. Anyway, gotta go. I will call on Don's cell later to talk to them. You pretend to sleep or something so that they don't ask you to speak to me"
"Deal"
"Ma, its me"
"Hello, why didn't you call yesterday? I left a message"
"I know. I was busy at work last week and by the time I got back, it was too late for you. Anyway, what's happening?"
"Here, Bill is here. Talk to him"
"Amma, no, no, wait"
"What?"
"I can talk to Bill later. I did not call you to speak to Bill"
"But Bill said you hadn't spoken to him in over a week"
"He did, did he?"
"Here, speak to him"
"No ma. I will speak to him later. Give me news. All Pongal prep over?"
"Are you both fighting?"
"What?"
"Are you and Bill having a fight?"
"No, why would you think that?"
"Because you refuse to talk to him. What else could it be?"
"Amma, I am not refusing to talk to him. I am saying that I will talk to him after I talk to you"
"But you have not talked to him whole of last week!"
"Amma, don't repeat things. I know. I will speak to him"
"Yes, you speak to him now. This fighting is not good"
"Hey"
"Hey"
"What's up?"
"I don't know. Apparently we are having a fight or something"
"Your parents are strange"
"Like yours are any less strange"
"True enough. So I just got here and I get fed like hajjar things. Fish and stuff. And banana tree ka stem. How come you never told me about banana stem?"
"What about banana stem?"
"Well, how come you never make it? I never knew this thing tastes so good. You should make it for me"
"I see"
"What do you see?"
"This vacation is India. Looks like you are getting used to people cooking and feeding you"
"Yeah you know how it is. But I wasn't asking you to make food all the time. I know what that means for me. I am just asking you to make banana stem"
"Ok, here's the deal. Say that in Tam and I will make it"
"Say what?"
"Banana stem. Vazhaithandu"
"Yeah, like I can say that. Lets be realistic alright? Anyway, what's up with work?"
"Little crazy. This Gorforsaken Horsham place is too much man. Bloody National Rail is always late so I have decided to stay there couple of days a week until the project is over"
"I see"
"What?"
"Some of us have been doing longer commutes for just over a year now. We don't get to stay there a couple of nights a week"
"If you have the budget to stay there for a couple of nights and pay your share of the London rent, no one is stopping you"
"Of course"
"Yep. Anyway, what plans now that you are there?"
"Apparently we are doing whirlwind trip to Cholaland. Starting tonight. Paatti wants to see me and stuff"
"Yeah. She didn't want to see me"
"Guess that's because she can actually understand what you are saying"
"Guess so. Anyway, where are parents? Want to talk to them"
"They have run away. I think they are upstairs or something. I think they think they are giving us privacy or something"
"What nonsense? That doesn't sound like my parents. And its not like we have anything to talk about"
"Exactly. Even if we did, I am coming there next week and we have to be together forever or something. Why do we have to talk to each other now?"
"Try explaining that to them"
"I know. My parents aren't exactly better. Last two days in Cal, they were like how come she hasn't called?"
"What did you tell them?"
"That you have this secret lover for when I am not around and so you are busy"
"Nice. What does this guy do?"
"We didn't quite get there. They told me to shut up"
"You should try the same with my parents next time they ask you why we aren't talking"
"Sounds like an idea"
"Yeah, Don will immediately send minions to London to skewer this guy"
"No man. Knowing him, he will skewer me and start wedding planning all over again. Any excuse to have another party"
"Guess so. Anyway, gotta go. I will call on Don's cell later to talk to them. You pretend to sleep or something so that they don't ask you to speak to me"
"Deal"
Sunday, January 06, 2008
Campaign comedy
Times reports on the momentum in New Hampshire:
“If I’ve got the American people behind me, I fear no man,” Senator Barack Obama, Democrat of Illinois told hundreds of supporters at a morning rally.
Does anyone else have this vision of Hillary Clinton dismounting from Windfola, taking off her helmet, letting her hair down, and in her best Shieldmaiden of Rohan imitation going:
"But no living man am I! You look upon a woman!"
(Yeah okay, for you illiterate Peter Jackson fans, that is "I am no man!")
? No? Really? Must be just me then.
“If I’ve got the American people behind me, I fear no man,” Senator Barack Obama, Democrat of Illinois told hundreds of supporters at a morning rally.
Does anyone else have this vision of Hillary Clinton dismounting from Windfola, taking off her helmet, letting her hair down, and in her best Shieldmaiden of Rohan imitation going:
"But no living man am I! You look upon a woman!"
(Yeah okay, for you illiterate Peter Jackson fans, that is "I am no man!")
? No? Really? Must be just me then.
Saturday, January 05, 2008
A Very Long Engagement - Part 2
The night before Christmas, all the kutti pisasus made a huge deal of sleeping downstairs. Usually they take over one of the upstairs ka bedrooms (A/C being the magic word) but not that night. Then for a couple of hours they locked themselves up in the formal dining room, and at the stroke of midnight created such a big ruckus that the whole neighborhood woke up. Also polished off all the cakes that were baked, so me being this nice person had to promise to bake more cakes first thing in the morning. The next morning, the sky gave up trying to con me that this is really London, and the clouds cleared. The sun after (well, if you discount the three weeks in Chicago and one in Morocco) nearly eight months. Yes! I went downstairs and promptly tripped over a couple of the pisasus still sleeping in the living room. Also, looked like more people had landed in the morning. Just the people I needed actually. Don's nephew (A) and Amma's neice (B) had run away from college for the occasion. The right people to discuss terms and conditions of the marriage. I filled them in and they agreed to do the needful.
Don went missing for a while in the morning and some interesting rumors were flying around but turned out to be all wrong. Poor Don had just shut himself up in one of the Sangam rooms and was trying to write poetry for some upcoming kavi thing. Amma chilled the entire day. This is why she likes having people around - they take care of all housework and she gets to chill and do nothing. The one time she tried walking out in the sun, I was sure to tell her that no, the bride should not be seen out like that. She should make sure that she wears enough jewelry and one proper pattu sari. Needless to say, she wasn't amused.
By mid afternoon, all junta turned up. A couple of hours before the event, things started heating up.
A: Hey B, we haven't really discussed the terms of the wedding
B: What are you talking about? The engagement is in less than 2 hours
A: So? I have always been available.
B: Ok ok, what are you expectations?
The Brigand (A's dad, Don's kid brother) jumps in.
"We have no expectations. If you want to do something for the daughter of your house, you are welcome to it. But we have no expectations"
A didn't seem too happy to hear this.
"Appa, which side are you on anyway? There's a reason people don't take you to these bride-seeing things"
"But we have no expectations, right?"
"Appa, you need to shut up. Can't you see important people are in discussions here? This is no place for people like you to talk"
"Ok pa. I won't say anything. Mariyadhai kettudum"
"So B, what were we talking about?"
"I was going to ask you about your expectations but I realise that that's unnecessary"
"Why is that?"
"Because this is not the wedding, just the engagement"
"So?"
"So as per the custom, we from the bride's side don't do anything for the engagement"
"What?"
"That is our custom as far as I know. You people have to do things for the bride. From our side, we will be happy if you give our ponnu a full set of diamonds - necklace, earrings and bangles"
"Diamonds?"
"Yes, the bride doesn't like wearing too much gold. She prefers diamonds"
"I see. But this engagement means the beginning of a long and fruitful relationship. We need to make sure that you send the bride off with all that she deserves"
"What does she deserve?"
"Hmm. You don't want the daughter of your house traveling in ordinary cars, do you know? But at the same time, the Merc might be a little too much for you. We will be happy with a Hondo Accord"
"In whose name should this be?"
"Bride's of course. This is what you are giving her. Nothing to do with us"
"Yeah right"
"Pardon?"
"Nothing. And just so that you understand, after the wedding she will be part of your household. There will be no family inheritance coming her way"
Amma couldn't take this betrayal.
"B kannu, you don't have to advertise to everyone that you have already forged my signature on document which says that I want no part of inheritance"
"Athai! How dare you? I asked you before I signed!"
This is the first Don and I hearing these family secrets.
"What is this? Veena, someone's cheating you of your rightful inheritance?"
"I know. I demand to see all land deeds immediately. We need to decide who gets which piece of land"
B: "Akka, sorry but you don't get anything. We don't give property to women"
"Under which law?"
"This is not any law. That's how things are. My dad, your mom's brother gets everything"
"I see. You do realise by this same logic, you don't get anything? Last time I checked, you had a brother"
"Oh shoot. I forgot. Different customs from this generation to reflect current realities. I get half"
"We shall see about that. No one's cheating me of anything. We will see what happens in court!"
A: Excuse me, but I think we are moving away from the point. We need to get these two people engaged off in sometime. We can't do that without finalizing terms. They want diamond necklace, it seems
B: Don't forget earrings and bangles!
A: Here's the deal - we will get them when we see the car parked in front of this house!
B: That's not a big deal...VJ...
A: Wait..and in the bride's name!
B: In that case, we can't promise anything esp when there's a trial period
A: What trial period?
B: From what I understand, this is only an engagement. They have the next three years to see whether this can be converted into a long term relationship or not. If everything works out alright, we will give the car during the wedding
A: Alright then. The diamond will be given during the wedding too.
B: No, you should give something for the engagement. Otherwise the bride will refuse to get engaged.
A: That isn't fair.
B: Who said this is about being fair? Do you want the engagement to happen or not?
A: This is blackmail!
B: Whatever
Don decides that this has gone for far too long. He talks to another of my cousins who is visiting.
"Hey D, looks like this isn't going to work out. Come, lets get engaged to each other"
"Mama, you are nice and all but to tell you the truth, I am angling for your son-in-law. Akka and I have a deal worked out already"
Amma: Ayyo! What are you saying?
Moi: Well, Amma, its not bad or anything. She keeps refering to Bill as "our mapillai". So I told her she can have him and give him back to me if he ever makes money. It is all cool.
Amma: I have had enough. Get me engaged or married or whatever you want. You will all drive me mad otherwise. What all I have to hear!
So there. The start of a long engagement. In three years, will post about the wedding.
PS: I have such a cool family, no?
Don went missing for a while in the morning and some interesting rumors were flying around but turned out to be all wrong. Poor Don had just shut himself up in one of the Sangam rooms and was trying to write poetry for some upcoming kavi thing. Amma chilled the entire day. This is why she likes having people around - they take care of all housework and she gets to chill and do nothing. The one time she tried walking out in the sun, I was sure to tell her that no, the bride should not be seen out like that. She should make sure that she wears enough jewelry and one proper pattu sari. Needless to say, she wasn't amused.
By mid afternoon, all junta turned up. A couple of hours before the event, things started heating up.
A: Hey B, we haven't really discussed the terms of the wedding
B: What are you talking about? The engagement is in less than 2 hours
A: So? I have always been available.
B: Ok ok, what are you expectations?
The Brigand (A's dad, Don's kid brother) jumps in.
"We have no expectations. If you want to do something for the daughter of your house, you are welcome to it. But we have no expectations"
A didn't seem too happy to hear this.
"Appa, which side are you on anyway? There's a reason people don't take you to these bride-seeing things"
"But we have no expectations, right?"
"Appa, you need to shut up. Can't you see important people are in discussions here? This is no place for people like you to talk"
"Ok pa. I won't say anything. Mariyadhai kettudum"
"So B, what were we talking about?"
"I was going to ask you about your expectations but I realise that that's unnecessary"
"Why is that?"
"Because this is not the wedding, just the engagement"
"So?"
"So as per the custom, we from the bride's side don't do anything for the engagement"
"What?"
"That is our custom as far as I know. You people have to do things for the bride. From our side, we will be happy if you give our ponnu a full set of diamonds - necklace, earrings and bangles"
"Diamonds?"
"Yes, the bride doesn't like wearing too much gold. She prefers diamonds"
"I see. But this engagement means the beginning of a long and fruitful relationship. We need to make sure that you send the bride off with all that she deserves"
"What does she deserve?"
"Hmm. You don't want the daughter of your house traveling in ordinary cars, do you know? But at the same time, the Merc might be a little too much for you. We will be happy with a Hondo Accord"
"In whose name should this be?"
"Bride's of course. This is what you are giving her. Nothing to do with us"
"Yeah right"
"Pardon?"
"Nothing. And just so that you understand, after the wedding she will be part of your household. There will be no family inheritance coming her way"
Amma couldn't take this betrayal.
"B kannu, you don't have to advertise to everyone that you have already forged my signature on document which says that I want no part of inheritance"
"Athai! How dare you? I asked you before I signed!"
This is the first Don and I hearing these family secrets.
"What is this? Veena, someone's cheating you of your rightful inheritance?"
"I know. I demand to see all land deeds immediately. We need to decide who gets which piece of land"
B: "Akka, sorry but you don't get anything. We don't give property to women"
"Under which law?"
"This is not any law. That's how things are. My dad, your mom's brother gets everything"
"I see. You do realise by this same logic, you don't get anything? Last time I checked, you had a brother"
"Oh shoot. I forgot. Different customs from this generation to reflect current realities. I get half"
"We shall see about that. No one's cheating me of anything. We will see what happens in court!"
A: Excuse me, but I think we are moving away from the point. We need to get these two people engaged off in sometime. We can't do that without finalizing terms. They want diamond necklace, it seems
B: Don't forget earrings and bangles!
A: Here's the deal - we will get them when we see the car parked in front of this house!
B: That's not a big deal...VJ...
A: Wait..and in the bride's name!
B: In that case, we can't promise anything esp when there's a trial period
A: What trial period?
B: From what I understand, this is only an engagement. They have the next three years to see whether this can be converted into a long term relationship or not. If everything works out alright, we will give the car during the wedding
A: Alright then. The diamond will be given during the wedding too.
B: No, you should give something for the engagement. Otherwise the bride will refuse to get engaged.
A: That isn't fair.
B: Who said this is about being fair? Do you want the engagement to happen or not?
A: This is blackmail!
B: Whatever
Don decides that this has gone for far too long. He talks to another of my cousins who is visiting.
"Hey D, looks like this isn't going to work out. Come, lets get engaged to each other"
"Mama, you are nice and all but to tell you the truth, I am angling for your son-in-law. Akka and I have a deal worked out already"
Amma: Ayyo! What are you saying?
Moi: Well, Amma, its not bad or anything. She keeps refering to Bill as "our mapillai". So I told her she can have him and give him back to me if he ever makes money. It is all cool.
Amma: I have had enough. Get me engaged or married or whatever you want. You will all drive me mad otherwise. What all I have to hear!
So there. The start of a long engagement. In three years, will post about the wedding.
PS: I have such a cool family, no?
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
A Very Long Engagement - Part 1
Or Scenes from another marriage
We Tams have some wonderful customs. When a man turns sixty, if his wife is still around, his kids get together and get him married off all over again. (Nowadays it is to the same woman) It is like any other wedding - whole world gets invited, kancheepuram and gold worn in copious quantities, pooja performed, thali is tied at appropriate time, and as in regular weddings, the only redeeming feature is the food[1]. Its not something you want to be a part of especially if you are home for just a week and your family isn't particularly religious. Or so I thought until a few days ago. Now I am a convert. Now I know that this 60th wedding celebration is a wonderful idea. Why, you ask? Because (belatedly but thankfully not too late) I have come to realize that this is payback time!
So I was home peacefully minding my own business (overdosing on amma's food and figuring out whether I should spend the last two days of my vacation in Sri Lanka, Coorg or Nilgiris) when people started barging in with questions.
"Great! Now that you are here, whats the plan?"
"Plan? That's what I am trying to figure out. Two days is too short for SL. Nilgiris might work depending on which trek we decide on"
"Trek? Who is going on a trek?"
"Me. And the Don. Junta turns sixty and climbs up Kailasam and all na? But what will non-religious people like the Don do to keep fit? So I figured a hike to Mukurthi Peak might be the answer"
"Nonsense. We are talking of the wedding"
"Wedding? I think all the weddings in this family are over and done with. We can't take any more"
"Silly girl. Has anyone told you what all needs to be done when your father turns sixty?"
"No, but I sort of know. We just aren't doing anything of the sort in this family. Btw, does anyone have any idea what should one do when my mother turns sixty?"
"Nothing much"
"Okay. Then I refuse to follow this sexist tradition"
"Don't be silly. Its not like your parents have anyone else to do all this for them. We know you don't have much time so let's not bother with calling everyone. Just gather all the family that's in Kerala together, call a priest, get a thali made and have a wedding. Just invite a few close friends"
"If its a question of getting people together, that's hardly an issue. Since I am around and its X'mas hols, a good part of the family is going to be at home for a couple of days anyway. Come tomorrow, there's going to be atleast twenty five people in the house. And Don's friends turn up for his birthday every year, so no need to invite them. But no one is having a wedding here. That's all"
Enter Amma.
"What wedding? What's going on here?"
"We were just telling your daughter that she should atleast get garlands and a thali for the 60th"
"Garlands? Ayyo. Please don't do drama here. All the kuttis[2] are excited, so I am going to bake a few cakes and we will get him to cut them. That's all its going to be. Nothing else"
Light bulb moment. Evil gleam. This is it.
"Hmm. Now that I think about it, I know what to do. Maama, family will be around. Just double-check with G, T and R uncles and families to make sure they turn up in the evening. I got this all figured out"
Amma turns to me in horror.
"What exactly are you planning to do?"
"You will see. Why don't you and Appa tell me what time you are free tomorrow? We need to go to Bhima (big, evil jewelry store)"
"Bhima? No no, you aren't buying jewelry"
"Let me decide that. You just come"
"I don't want any jewelry. Moreover, you are the one who doesn't believe in thali"
"But you do, and this isn't about me. Besides, who said I am going to buy you a thali? If there's going to be a wedding in this house, rest assured that it will what the Dravidian movement types call a self-respect wedding. No thali, no pooja, no priest will be involved"
"Whatever. I am not going to Bhima tomorrow"
"You will. You owe me. For all the twenty two hundred times I went with you because you wanted me to. You can't say No"
"Ayyo! What am I to do?"
Next day. Don is turning into parking lot of big, evil store.
Don: I like this. For once, you are taking your mother to Bhima and she doesn't want to be here. This is so entertaining!
Amma: You, you are the reason for all this. You are the reason why she turned out like this. Shut up now.
Don: If you say so.
Don parks car while we get out and go inside. I spot Amma's favorite sales person.
Me: We would like to look at diamond rings.
Amma nearly has a heart attack.
Me: No, male. He will be in in a minute.
Amma: Ha ha! And he thinks its for me! Come come, lets select a few styles. Here, we are here. Guess who we are buying ring for? You, its for you! Ha!
Don: Me? Why me?
Amma: Because its your birthday.
Don: Makes sense. I won't say No to gifts.
Amma: Shameless man. Why do you need a ring now?
Don: Because she wants to buy it for me.
Amma: Yeah yeah.
Me: Amma, chill. Once we are done with that, we are going to buy one for you too
Amma: Why me? I don't want anything, I don't want anything. You are just being silly
Me: I am, aren't I? Now you know how it feels.
Amma: So that's what this is about. Okay, you have made your point. We will just buy for your dad now.
Me: No, we won't. We need two rings anyway
Amma: For what?
Me: Well, you are getting engaged to each other
Don: After being married for 33 years?
Me: Yeah. And then there will be trial period that will last three years which is the year Amma turns sixty. If you guys are happy, we will get you married off then
Amma: Mad child! How much nonsense you speak!
Me: I don't care if its nonsense. Its still going to happen. If I were to do this right, I would ask you stay in separate rooms until you get married. But I am not that evil also
Amma: Ayyo! Look at her talk. Aren't you ashamed of her?
Don: Why would I be ashamed of her? If she wants an engagement, let her have one. If you don't want to get engaged, maybe I can con someone else.
Amma: Asai!
(To be continued. "Expectations" and "agreements" between families coming up in Part 2)
[1] Well, okay, the food and perhaps one family photograph. There's one photo that I particularly like. It was taken (a few years before I was born) during my thatha's 60th. It has these benches arranged in steps in front of the ancestral home back in Chola land, and has kadukkan-clad thatha and patti standing in the middle with everyone in the family around them.
[2] Kutti pisasus (kutti = small, pisasu = devil) - moi's nephews and neices
We Tams have some wonderful customs. When a man turns sixty, if his wife is still around, his kids get together and get him married off all over again. (Nowadays it is to the same woman) It is like any other wedding - whole world gets invited, kancheepuram and gold worn in copious quantities, pooja performed, thali is tied at appropriate time, and as in regular weddings, the only redeeming feature is the food[1]. Its not something you want to be a part of especially if you are home for just a week and your family isn't particularly religious. Or so I thought until a few days ago. Now I am a convert. Now I know that this 60th wedding celebration is a wonderful idea. Why, you ask? Because (belatedly but thankfully not too late) I have come to realize that this is payback time!
So I was home peacefully minding my own business (overdosing on amma's food and figuring out whether I should spend the last two days of my vacation in Sri Lanka, Coorg or Nilgiris) when people started barging in with questions.
"Great! Now that you are here, whats the plan?"
"Plan? That's what I am trying to figure out. Two days is too short for SL. Nilgiris might work depending on which trek we decide on"
"Trek? Who is going on a trek?"
"Me. And the Don. Junta turns sixty and climbs up Kailasam and all na? But what will non-religious people like the Don do to keep fit? So I figured a hike to Mukurthi Peak might be the answer"
"Nonsense. We are talking of the wedding"
"Wedding? I think all the weddings in this family are over and done with. We can't take any more"
"Silly girl. Has anyone told you what all needs to be done when your father turns sixty?"
"No, but I sort of know. We just aren't doing anything of the sort in this family. Btw, does anyone have any idea what should one do when my mother turns sixty?"
"Nothing much"
"Okay. Then I refuse to follow this sexist tradition"
"Don't be silly. Its not like your parents have anyone else to do all this for them. We know you don't have much time so let's not bother with calling everyone. Just gather all the family that's in Kerala together, call a priest, get a thali made and have a wedding. Just invite a few close friends"
"If its a question of getting people together, that's hardly an issue. Since I am around and its X'mas hols, a good part of the family is going to be at home for a couple of days anyway. Come tomorrow, there's going to be atleast twenty five people in the house. And Don's friends turn up for his birthday every year, so no need to invite them. But no one is having a wedding here. That's all"
Enter Amma.
"What wedding? What's going on here?"
"We were just telling your daughter that she should atleast get garlands and a thali for the 60th"
"Garlands? Ayyo. Please don't do drama here. All the kuttis[2] are excited, so I am going to bake a few cakes and we will get him to cut them. That's all its going to be. Nothing else"
Light bulb moment. Evil gleam. This is it.
"Hmm. Now that I think about it, I know what to do. Maama, family will be around. Just double-check with G, T and R uncles and families to make sure they turn up in the evening. I got this all figured out"
Amma turns to me in horror.
"What exactly are you planning to do?"
"You will see. Why don't you and Appa tell me what time you are free tomorrow? We need to go to Bhima (big, evil jewelry store)"
"Bhima? No no, you aren't buying jewelry"
"Let me decide that. You just come"
"I don't want any jewelry. Moreover, you are the one who doesn't believe in thali"
"But you do, and this isn't about me. Besides, who said I am going to buy you a thali? If there's going to be a wedding in this house, rest assured that it will what the Dravidian movement types call a self-respect wedding. No thali, no pooja, no priest will be involved"
"Whatever. I am not going to Bhima tomorrow"
"You will. You owe me. For all the twenty two hundred times I went with you because you wanted me to. You can't say No"
"Ayyo! What am I to do?"
Next day. Don is turning into parking lot of big, evil store.
Don: I like this. For once, you are taking your mother to Bhima and she doesn't want to be here. This is so entertaining!
Amma: You, you are the reason for all this. You are the reason why she turned out like this. Shut up now.
Don: If you say so.
Don parks car while we get out and go inside. I spot Amma's favorite sales person.
Me: We would like to look at diamond rings.
Amma nearly has a heart attack.
Me: No, male. He will be in in a minute.
Amma: Ha ha! And he thinks its for me! Come come, lets select a few styles. Here, we are here. Guess who we are buying ring for? You, its for you! Ha!
Don: Me? Why me?
Amma: Because its your birthday.
Don: Makes sense. I won't say No to gifts.
Amma: Shameless man. Why do you need a ring now?
Don: Because she wants to buy it for me.
Amma: Yeah yeah.
Me: Amma, chill. Once we are done with that, we are going to buy one for you too
Amma: Why me? I don't want anything, I don't want anything. You are just being silly
Me: I am, aren't I? Now you know how it feels.
Amma: So that's what this is about. Okay, you have made your point. We will just buy for your dad now.
Me: No, we won't. We need two rings anyway
Amma: For what?
Me: Well, you are getting engaged to each other
Don: After being married for 33 years?
Me: Yeah. And then there will be trial period that will last three years which is the year Amma turns sixty. If you guys are happy, we will get you married off then
Amma: Mad child! How much nonsense you speak!
Me: I don't care if its nonsense. Its still going to happen. If I were to do this right, I would ask you stay in separate rooms until you get married. But I am not that evil also
Amma: Ayyo! Look at her talk. Aren't you ashamed of her?
Don: Why would I be ashamed of her? If she wants an engagement, let her have one. If you don't want to get engaged, maybe I can con someone else.
Amma: Asai!
(To be continued. "Expectations" and "agreements" between families coming up in Part 2)
[1] Well, okay, the food and perhaps one family photograph. There's one photo that I particularly like. It was taken (a few years before I was born) during my thatha's 60th. It has these benches arranged in steps in front of the ancestral home back in Chola land, and has kadukkan-clad thatha and patti standing in the middle with everyone in the family around them.
[2] Kutti pisasus (kutti = small, pisasu = devil) - moi's nephews and neices
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Bamse in God's own country
See, its not just me.
The State Institute of Children’s Literature has put in place some plans to try and partly tackle this famine. The Institute recently brought out a set of books in Malayalam and is also eyeing the Swedish book market for children’s stories. Very soon, children in the State can feast their eyes on these stories.
From here.
PS: Yes, I am home. On my way back really - off to Nilgiris for a couple of days and then a day in Bombay before getting to London. While at home, managed to get Don engaged to amma all over again - major fun. Details when I get back.
The State Institute of Children’s Literature has put in place some plans to try and partly tackle this famine. The Institute recently brought out a set of books in Malayalam and is also eyeing the Swedish book market for children’s stories. Very soon, children in the State can feast their eyes on these stories.
From here.
PS: Yes, I am home. On my way back really - off to Nilgiris for a couple of days and then a day in Bombay before getting to London. While at home, managed to get Don engaged to amma all over again - major fun. Details when I get back.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Best Food Forward - Part 4
You never thought we would get to Part 4, did you? Ha! And this one is special too. This one is paying respects to certian ahem...senior fellows of the blogosphere edition. If we were to do this right, this would have been fish but since we aren't that respectful, you have to be happy with Bangla food in Brick Lane. (Btw, did I tell you that when Bill found out that the chef is Pakistani, he almost got up and left? He changed his mind as soon he saw our beaming faces.)
So anyway, getting to the food, this one is Prof-da special. We are sure that in all the silk road pictures, man spent ten minutes arranging food on the table so that he could get a decent pciture. (Yes, poor TPB, we know.)
And this one is well, who else could it be, JAP-da special. Always to destroy food before you take picture .
Special mention: The best bagels in the world. No, you New Yorkers lose.
The NY Times agrees. Sort of.
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3.
So anyway, getting to the food, this one is Prof-da special. We are sure that in all the silk road pictures, man spent ten minutes arranging food on the table so that he could get a decent pciture. (Yes, poor TPB, we know.)
And this one is well, who else could it be, JAP-da special. Always to destroy food before you take picture .
Special mention: The best bagels in the world. No, you New Yorkers lose.
The NY Times agrees. Sort of.
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3.
Sunday, December 09, 2007
Postcard from Spey
I know. It was ages ago. But its whisky no? We can wait a little, no?
Oh, those of you who actually saw this over your morning coffee, please note: the picture you saw is of Strathisla, not Glenfiddich. This one below is Glenfiddich alright. The distillation process.
“And malt does more than Milton can
To justify God’s way to man”
- A.E.Housman
And what better place to understand God’s mysterious ways than by the River Spey in northeastern Scotland, heart of Scottish whisky country and home to the single malt? Connoisseurs visit all eight distilleries and the one cooperage featured in the Malt Whisky Trail around Speyside while true devotees spend a few days here, and then venture far out in the old distilleries of Islay and the Orkney Islands. Having pledged allegiance to that colourless Russian concoction long back, I was happy visiting just two: the distillery of Glenfiddich, the world’s best selling single malt, and the distillery of Strathisla because I knew that Appa would never forgive me if I came all the way here and didn’t visit the home of his beloved Chivas Regal.
Speyside in North Eastern Scotland, once considered part of the Scottish Highlands, is now a region of its own. The Highlands are known for their rugged coastlines, imposing castles and impenetrable Lochs, and people usually flock here to catch a glimpse of the elusive Loch Ness monster. For those of us who are mildly adventurous, there is always the sport of Munro-bagging – a Munro is any mountain taller than 3000 ft and the Highlands are full of them. But just thirty miles east of Inverness, in Spey county, it is a different country altogether. The desolate mountains of the Highlands give way to rolling hills with meadows and pastures. Tractors shared the road with us; every village we drove through had a bridge over a clear water stream. The distinctive pagoda signs signifying the distilleries started cropping up and we followed them to the Malt Whisky Trail. Soon we found ourselves turning into the parking lot of Glenfiddich (Glen: Valley, Fiddich: Deer)
A tour was just about to begin as we entered the distillery, and we managed to get ourselves on it. There was also a large German tourist contingent visiting the distillery at the same time. This I found out just when the tour started – the first part of the tour was a short movie on the history of Glenfiddich and two minutes into the movie, I realised that it was in German! I turned to my friend but he was focussed on the screen. Too late I realised that he had taken a couple of semesters of German at the university. I frantically put on headphones and changed the audio to English by which time we were past the time of William Grant who built the first building by hand, bought second-hand equipment, and opened on Christmas Day, 1887. But I did find out the water that is used throughout the whisky making process is the spring water from the mountain stream of Robbie Dhu, the 1200 acres around which the Grant family bought as they wanted to ensure that the water of Robbie Dhu was always available to them to make the whisky.
After the movie, we met with our guide Susan who explained the process of whisky making. Barley, yeast and huge quantities of water are all that goes into the process. First, the barley is “malted” by soaking the grain in water for a few days and letting it germinate. In the past, Glenfiddich had its own malting floor with the pagoda roof used for ventilation but nowadays malt is brought commercially from specially chosen malsters. We walked to the milling section where the malt is milled into grist, and added to hot water to extract the sugars. A large kettle called the mashtun is used in extraction – the grist is mashed a few times to extract all fermentable sugars. The resulting sugary liquid is now fermented by adding yeast in giant vessels called washbacks. After this is the distillation process which is done in copper pot stills. We could walk between the stills but photography wasn’t allowed because of the high alcohol content around us. Distillation is done two or three times until the alcohol content is around 60 – 80%. The distilled alcohol is now ready for maturing.
Next, we walked to the storage area where again no cameras were allowed. We learnt about the art of cooperage where a cooper puts together an oak cask meant for storing the whisky. The cask they use for making Glenfiddich is mostly second hand – American bourbon or Portuguese sherry has been stored in them before. New oak casks are also used for some reserves. The cooper takes apart the cask, checks them to make sure they are alright, and puts them back together. The distilled whisky is poured into these casks and stored for years. The whisky takes in the flavour of the wooden cask it is in. The Glenfiddich Special Reserve takes 12 years, and then it is opened and mixed with whisky from other casks before bottling. Susan showed us three casks with small openings through which we could smell the whisky. The first was 12 years old, the second 18 and the third 22. I bent down to smell the 18 year old cask; a second later I could feel the rich wooden flavour going straight through to my sinus. Susan broke into my heavenly reprieve.
“I know. Last week, there was a guy down there and I thought he would never get up!”
Our last stop was obviously the tasting area where we could finally taste the Special Reserve. I gulped down my portion and looked at my friend who is usually not a whisky drinker. He had finished his glass and was getting it refilled.
I picked up a couple of bottles on our way out. A bottle for an uncle in the States who always bemoans the non-availability of good single malts where he lives and another for my Dad. But now as I write this, the Special Reserve on the cabinet in front of me, it looks a little too tempting. Appa, I think, will have to be happy with just his Chivas. The Glenfiddich is all mine.
Oh, those of you who actually saw this over your morning coffee, please note: the picture you saw is of Strathisla, not Glenfiddich. This one below is Glenfiddich alright. The distillation process.
“And malt does more than Milton can
To justify God’s way to man”
- A.E.Housman
And what better place to understand God’s mysterious ways than by the River Spey in northeastern Scotland, heart of Scottish whisky country and home to the single malt? Connoisseurs visit all eight distilleries and the one cooperage featured in the Malt Whisky Trail around Speyside while true devotees spend a few days here, and then venture far out in the old distilleries of Islay and the Orkney Islands. Having pledged allegiance to that colourless Russian concoction long back, I was happy visiting just two: the distillery of Glenfiddich, the world’s best selling single malt, and the distillery of Strathisla because I knew that Appa would never forgive me if I came all the way here and didn’t visit the home of his beloved Chivas Regal.
Speyside in North Eastern Scotland, once considered part of the Scottish Highlands, is now a region of its own. The Highlands are known for their rugged coastlines, imposing castles and impenetrable Lochs, and people usually flock here to catch a glimpse of the elusive Loch Ness monster. For those of us who are mildly adventurous, there is always the sport of Munro-bagging – a Munro is any mountain taller than 3000 ft and the Highlands are full of them. But just thirty miles east of Inverness, in Spey county, it is a different country altogether. The desolate mountains of the Highlands give way to rolling hills with meadows and pastures. Tractors shared the road with us; every village we drove through had a bridge over a clear water stream. The distinctive pagoda signs signifying the distilleries started cropping up and we followed them to the Malt Whisky Trail. Soon we found ourselves turning into the parking lot of Glenfiddich (Glen: Valley, Fiddich: Deer)
A tour was just about to begin as we entered the distillery, and we managed to get ourselves on it. There was also a large German tourist contingent visiting the distillery at the same time. This I found out just when the tour started – the first part of the tour was a short movie on the history of Glenfiddich and two minutes into the movie, I realised that it was in German! I turned to my friend but he was focussed on the screen. Too late I realised that he had taken a couple of semesters of German at the university. I frantically put on headphones and changed the audio to English by which time we were past the time of William Grant who built the first building by hand, bought second-hand equipment, and opened on Christmas Day, 1887. But I did find out the water that is used throughout the whisky making process is the spring water from the mountain stream of Robbie Dhu, the 1200 acres around which the Grant family bought as they wanted to ensure that the water of Robbie Dhu was always available to them to make the whisky.
After the movie, we met with our guide Susan who explained the process of whisky making. Barley, yeast and huge quantities of water are all that goes into the process. First, the barley is “malted” by soaking the grain in water for a few days and letting it germinate. In the past, Glenfiddich had its own malting floor with the pagoda roof used for ventilation but nowadays malt is brought commercially from specially chosen malsters. We walked to the milling section where the malt is milled into grist, and added to hot water to extract the sugars. A large kettle called the mashtun is used in extraction – the grist is mashed a few times to extract all fermentable sugars. The resulting sugary liquid is now fermented by adding yeast in giant vessels called washbacks. After this is the distillation process which is done in copper pot stills. We could walk between the stills but photography wasn’t allowed because of the high alcohol content around us. Distillation is done two or three times until the alcohol content is around 60 – 80%. The distilled alcohol is now ready for maturing.
Next, we walked to the storage area where again no cameras were allowed. We learnt about the art of cooperage where a cooper puts together an oak cask meant for storing the whisky. The cask they use for making Glenfiddich is mostly second hand – American bourbon or Portuguese sherry has been stored in them before. New oak casks are also used for some reserves. The cooper takes apart the cask, checks them to make sure they are alright, and puts them back together. The distilled whisky is poured into these casks and stored for years. The whisky takes in the flavour of the wooden cask it is in. The Glenfiddich Special Reserve takes 12 years, and then it is opened and mixed with whisky from other casks before bottling. Susan showed us three casks with small openings through which we could smell the whisky. The first was 12 years old, the second 18 and the third 22. I bent down to smell the 18 year old cask; a second later I could feel the rich wooden flavour going straight through to my sinus. Susan broke into my heavenly reprieve.
“I know. Last week, there was a guy down there and I thought he would never get up!”
Our last stop was obviously the tasting area where we could finally taste the Special Reserve. I gulped down my portion and looked at my friend who is usually not a whisky drinker. He had finished his glass and was getting it refilled.
I picked up a couple of bottles on our way out. A bottle for an uncle in the States who always bemoans the non-availability of good single malts where he lives and another for my Dad. But now as I write this, the Special Reserve on the cabinet in front of me, it looks a little too tempting. Appa, I think, will have to be happy with just his Chivas. The Glenfiddich is all mine.
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Scenes from a Marriage: The Cotton China Edition
(In case you were wondering, nothing's changed since the Paper Edition. We lead the same life in a different country. We still have the same reaction. Bill doesn't have a PhD or anything resembling a real job.)
And oh, Bill typed this up. I added some spice here and there of course but its mostly just Bill.
"Okay, so let's see, you were in India, then I was in Germany, then you were in US, then..."
"Then I will go to India, you will go to India, but to a different city, then I will go to Colombo, then..."
"...you will go to the US, then a month after, I will go the US, then you will go to Dubai"
"Isn't there something wrong here? Aren't married people, like, supposed to see each other more than once a month?"
"Well, you were the one complaining about how it feels strange to be together all the time, and pining for Pittsburgh-Chicago days"
"I know, that is not what I had in mind. People are asking appa if everything is all right between the two of us. If we are really together and all that"
"Didn't they used to ask him when I was finishing my phd?"
"Not anymore. Because he couldn't take it anymore, he lied and told them that you are already done"
"He what?"
"Hello, why is that a problem? Everyone including Her Majesty's Revenue Service and the U of Cambridge think you have a phd. Hell, until yesterday even Banker (Bill's friend from school who made his appearance here long ago) thought so"
"Yeah, and then you had to break it to him. Poor chap, he was telling everyone that I am Dr Bill"
"He will be alright. Now that he's come up with this idea of making you pretty and doing an expose..."
"He is doing what?"
"Oh, didn't we tell you? Banker and I discussed this yesterday. So the deal is you have been a post-doc fellow for a year now but you do not have a Phd. This is an expose that we are planning to sell to Oxford tabloids and make lots of money. Problem is this would only work if you were a little more pretty. So we are going to make you pretty"
"With friends like these!"
"Anyway, back to Appa and friends. We have to figure out something that he can tell them"
"Why don't you tell them things are grand between us? I get thoughtful gifts of hmm..wine bottles from every part of the world I travel to"
"And that is supposed to help? Appa will tell his friends that his son-in-law is making his daughter an alcoholic?"
"I am making you one? Right! I am sure you would hardly ever touch alcohol otherwise"
"Of course I don't. Shiva Shiva, I was such a nice Tam girl, until I met this vague north-indian"
"East! East! I know you lost marks in geography, but this is too much! You should ask your geography teacher to reimburse fees"
"Yes, I am Wasserkopf! My geography is bad, so I have to get you to navigate. Which is why we go round and round and round. It's my geography, of course"
"Besides the point. Don't evade the topic. You have a drinking problem"
"I have a drinking problem? Who drinks the other half of the bottle?"
"At least I accept the fact. Awareness is the first step to recovery"
"Where have you been, alcoholics anonymous?"
"Well, if you have to know, I got that from BM"
"BM? How is she involved in this?"
"She was afraid to tell you, but she told me. She thinks we have a drinking problem"
"I see. What else does she think that she's afraid to tell me about?"
"Again, not the point. Didn't MR also say that we drink too much?"
"Not only do you take BM seriously, you also take MR seriously. What's wrong with you?"
"I am a people person, remember? Of course I take them seriously"
"Value in relationships, that's what you are about!"
"That's what Bamse has taught me"
"Yes! Now we also listen to imaginary bears from Sweden"
"This is not just some bear. Bamse is the strongest and the kindest..."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever! Why don't you give up alcohol, if you are so concerned?"
"Sure, and go to Mahalakshmi temple every Sunday"
"We all know how you will claim you are going, and go across the street to Saravana Bhavan"
"And get dosai and appam! Mmmm..."
"And practice your Tam with the waiter"
"Hey, its not my fault if he thinks I am Tam and you are some vague N Indian"
"Yeah, proper Tam boy you are.."
"I will change name to Karthik Soundarajan!"
"Yes, and go pray at Mahalakshmi temple, eat at Saravana Bhavan, go home, and watch Rajni movies on Sun TV. Such a nice traditional Tam boy you are...."
"Yes, I am, aren't I?"
"In fact you are so traditional that even my parents will disown you"
"Ah! That might not be too bad. You know what the date is tomorrow, don't you?"
"No, No. STOP. I do not want to hear the M word, alright? Not from you of all people"
"Of course I am not going to say it. What do you take me for?"
"Yeah, its bad enough that my parents and your parents and all and sundry keep calling us and telling us how happy they are for us etc etc."
"I know, its like someone's won the Nobel or something. You know what I mean?"
"Exactly. Why can't they just forget it?"
"Yeah man, you would think two years is a long time for people to forget it"
"Two years? Did you say two years? Fuck"
"I know. Fuck"
And oh, Bill typed this up. I added some spice here and there of course but its mostly just Bill.
"Okay, so let's see, you were in India, then I was in Germany, then you were in US, then..."
"Then I will go to India, you will go to India, but to a different city, then I will go to Colombo, then..."
"...you will go to the US, then a month after, I will go the US, then you will go to Dubai"
"Isn't there something wrong here? Aren't married people, like, supposed to see each other more than once a month?"
"Well, you were the one complaining about how it feels strange to be together all the time, and pining for Pittsburgh-Chicago days"
"I know, that is not what I had in mind. People are asking appa if everything is all right between the two of us. If we are really together and all that"
"Didn't they used to ask him when I was finishing my phd?"
"Not anymore. Because he couldn't take it anymore, he lied and told them that you are already done"
"He what?"
"Hello, why is that a problem? Everyone including Her Majesty's Revenue Service and the U of Cambridge think you have a phd. Hell, until yesterday even Banker (Bill's friend from school who made his appearance here long ago) thought so"
"Yeah, and then you had to break it to him. Poor chap, he was telling everyone that I am Dr Bill"
"He will be alright. Now that he's come up with this idea of making you pretty and doing an expose..."
"He is doing what?"
"Oh, didn't we tell you? Banker and I discussed this yesterday. So the deal is you have been a post-doc fellow for a year now but you do not have a Phd. This is an expose that we are planning to sell to Oxford tabloids and make lots of money. Problem is this would only work if you were a little more pretty. So we are going to make you pretty"
"With friends like these!"
"Anyway, back to Appa and friends. We have to figure out something that he can tell them"
"Why don't you tell them things are grand between us? I get thoughtful gifts of hmm..wine bottles from every part of the world I travel to"
"And that is supposed to help? Appa will tell his friends that his son-in-law is making his daughter an alcoholic?"
"I am making you one? Right! I am sure you would hardly ever touch alcohol otherwise"
"Of course I don't. Shiva Shiva, I was such a nice Tam girl, until I met this vague north-indian"
"East! East! I know you lost marks in geography, but this is too much! You should ask your geography teacher to reimburse fees"
"Yes, I am Wasserkopf! My geography is bad, so I have to get you to navigate. Which is why we go round and round and round. It's my geography, of course"
"Besides the point. Don't evade the topic. You have a drinking problem"
"I have a drinking problem? Who drinks the other half of the bottle?"
"At least I accept the fact. Awareness is the first step to recovery"
"Where have you been, alcoholics anonymous?"
"Well, if you have to know, I got that from BM"
"BM? How is she involved in this?"
"She was afraid to tell you, but she told me. She thinks we have a drinking problem"
"I see. What else does she think that she's afraid to tell me about?"
"Again, not the point. Didn't MR also say that we drink too much?"
"Not only do you take BM seriously, you also take MR seriously. What's wrong with you?"
"I am a people person, remember? Of course I take them seriously"
"Value in relationships, that's what you are about!"
"That's what Bamse has taught me"
"Yes! Now we also listen to imaginary bears from Sweden"
"This is not just some bear. Bamse is the strongest and the kindest..."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever! Why don't you give up alcohol, if you are so concerned?"
"Sure, and go to Mahalakshmi temple every Sunday"
"We all know how you will claim you are going, and go across the street to Saravana Bhavan"
"And get dosai and appam! Mmmm..."
"And practice your Tam with the waiter"
"Hey, its not my fault if he thinks I am Tam and you are some vague N Indian"
"Yeah, proper Tam boy you are.."
"I will change name to Karthik Soundarajan!"
"Yes, and go pray at Mahalakshmi temple, eat at Saravana Bhavan, go home, and watch Rajni movies on Sun TV. Such a nice traditional Tam boy you are...."
"Yes, I am, aren't I?"
"In fact you are so traditional that even my parents will disown you"
"Ah! That might not be too bad. You know what the date is tomorrow, don't you?"
"No, No. STOP. I do not want to hear the M word, alright? Not from you of all people"
"Of course I am not going to say it. What do you take me for?"
"Yeah, its bad enough that my parents and your parents and all and sundry keep calling us and telling us how happy they are for us etc etc."
"I know, its like someone's won the Nobel or something. You know what I mean?"
"Exactly. Why can't they just forget it?"
"Yeah man, you would think two years is a long time for people to forget it"
"Two years? Did you say two years? Fuck"
"I know. Fuck"
Sunday, December 02, 2007
Saturday at Borough
Part 2 of Best Food Forward
And Part 3 of BM and Buddhi in London
Saturday + Visitors = Borough market.
The market is great, its a great photo-op, the tourists you see there try to blend in which is always very amusing to watch. The only non-cool thing about it is that the bankers of Shad Thames and City all land up there because its such a quintessentially London thing to do, isn't it now? Yeah, these are the same people who sit around and make fun of poor software engineer types who spend their day in East Ham visiting Mahalaxmi Temple and Saravana Bhavan.
And now that the obligatory deragatory banker reference is out of the way, back to Borough market. The original plan was to walk there. Didn't work too well as Bill and I realised soon enough that we are dealing with two Californians here. (If I were the Falstaffian type, here I would talk about how in Umberto Eco's Travels in Hyperreality, he talks about how in California, the left leg is a vestigial appendage as they have even gotten rid of the clutch etc.) So anyway, we go to London Bridge and BM pulls out camera and starts taking random pictures of corner stores (who also sell vegetables) thinking its the market. We finally manage to convince her that it isn't and she follows reluctantly. Once inside the market, she was like a pattikattan (village idiot) who sees elephant for the first time. Evidence follows.
An hour later we find ourselves at this stall tasting some amazing dry cured ham when my phone rings.
"Hey Anoop"
Bill, Buddhi and BM scream "Hi Anoop". Everyone around us turn around.
"I have news. I should have been in London, I know but now I am making a whirlwind trip to India"
"What?"
"Last minute plan. I am packing right now. My flight leaves in a couple of hours"
"How long are you in India?"
"For a few weeks"
"Are you getting married?"
"Not that I know of"
"Should I call your Dad to check?"
"No, thats unnecessary"
"Hmm..not even sneak preview?"
"No. All will be revealed when I get back"
"We shall wait patiently for Revealations then"
BM, Buddhi and Bill all together: "Bye Anoop". This time, people around us just move away.
Wild boar sausages is where the queue was. So obviously we decide that's where we should be. Problem is its a long, long queue. And we are all ravenous.
"Idea! We got tampanade and cheese right?"
"Why don't you guys go stand in line and I will go get some bread. We will have it while we are standing in line"
"That works!"
Soon we are all standing in long line hogging. Everyone who passes us stares at us. People in front of and behind us in the queue peep in to see what's going on.
Finally the girl just in front of us couldn't take it anymore. She calls her friend. "Where are you?"..."Yes, I am in line"..."Why don't you pick up some olives and chesse along with the bread?"...."Why? Just pick up some"..."I am hungry"..."The line is long".
She hangs up and Buddhi decides to be the friendly neighborhood types.
"You can have some of this bread if you want"
The girl looks scared this time. She mumbles No, Thank You and runs away.
Yeah, yeah, we finally got our wild boar sausage. Here.
PS: BM, didn't you have some amazing cheese pictures somewhere? Or am I thinking of one of Szerelem's old posts?
And Part 3 of BM and Buddhi in London
Saturday + Visitors = Borough market.
The market is great, its a great photo-op, the tourists you see there try to blend in which is always very amusing to watch. The only non-cool thing about it is that the bankers of Shad Thames and City all land up there because its such a quintessentially London thing to do, isn't it now? Yeah, these are the same people who sit around and make fun of poor software engineer types who spend their day in East Ham visiting Mahalaxmi Temple and Saravana Bhavan.
And now that the obligatory deragatory banker reference is out of the way, back to Borough market. The original plan was to walk there. Didn't work too well as Bill and I realised soon enough that we are dealing with two Californians here. (If I were the Falstaffian type, here I would talk about how in Umberto Eco's Travels in Hyperreality, he talks about how in California, the left leg is a vestigial appendage as they have even gotten rid of the clutch etc.) So anyway, we go to London Bridge and BM pulls out camera and starts taking random pictures of corner stores (who also sell vegetables) thinking its the market. We finally manage to convince her that it isn't and she follows reluctantly. Once inside the market, she was like a pattikattan (village idiot) who sees elephant for the first time. Evidence follows.
An hour later we find ourselves at this stall tasting some amazing dry cured ham when my phone rings.
"Hey Anoop"
Bill, Buddhi and BM scream "Hi Anoop". Everyone around us turn around.
"I have news. I should have been in London, I know but now I am making a whirlwind trip to India"
"What?"
"Last minute plan. I am packing right now. My flight leaves in a couple of hours"
"How long are you in India?"
"For a few weeks"
"Are you getting married?"
"Not that I know of"
"Should I call your Dad to check?"
"No, thats unnecessary"
"Hmm..not even sneak preview?"
"No. All will be revealed when I get back"
"We shall wait patiently for Revealations then"
BM, Buddhi and Bill all together: "Bye Anoop". This time, people around us just move away.
Wild boar sausages is where the queue was. So obviously we decide that's where we should be. Problem is its a long, long queue. And we are all ravenous.
"Idea! We got tampanade and cheese right?"
"Why don't you guys go stand in line and I will go get some bread. We will have it while we are standing in line"
"That works!"
Soon we are all standing in long line hogging. Everyone who passes us stares at us. People in front of and behind us in the queue peep in to see what's going on.
Finally the girl just in front of us couldn't take it anymore. She calls her friend. "Where are you?"..."Yes, I am in line"..."Why don't you pick up some olives and chesse along with the bread?"...."Why? Just pick up some"..."I am hungry"..."The line is long".
She hangs up and Buddhi decides to be the friendly neighborhood types.
"You can have some of this bread if you want"
The girl looks scared this time. She mumbles No, Thank You and runs away.
Yeah, yeah, we finally got our wild boar sausage. Here.
PS: BM, didn't you have some amazing cheese pictures somewhere? Or am I thinking of one of Szerelem's old posts?
Monday, November 26, 2007
Three Men on a Wooden Floor
(Part 2 of BM and Buddhi in London.)
Saturday morning. Bill and I pack off the sistahs to the Abbey and set out on another of our flat hunting expeditions. These things usually start with viewing perhaps one flat. And then we walk around the neighborhood, chill at the Park for an hour, go find some nice cafe and bookstores, maybe catch a movie at the local theater, eat some street food etc etc. Yes, I know. The most inefficient of things but who said the point of this is to find an apartment? First of all, we haven't really decided whether we are moving or not.
So anyway, a couple of hours later we find ourselves not very far from the Camden Lock and so we decide to go say hello to our prints guy. Man runs this narrow, little prints store on Camden High, sells everything from movie posters to Michelangelo. Pretentious me wanted to pick up a couple of Degas prints as gifts for some people. Also wanted to see whether he had any new Banksy stuff (if Banksy is your man, please go see this guy in Camden next time you are in London) so it all made sense.
"Didn't BM say she was looking for something?"
"Yeah. Now that we are here, maybe we should call her and check"
So Bill steps out and calls while I picked up The Tub and Before the Mirror.
"Yeah, she wants something but its a little strange"
"Are you looking for anything specific?"
"Yes. This may sound weird but a friend was in Paris recently..."
"Yeah?"
"At d'Orsay I think and she wants this print. The problem is she doesn't know the artist or the name of the painting"
"This is a test!"
"I guess. So this is am impressionist painting. The artist's name starts with C-A-I-L, she thinks"
"Caillebotte?"
"Possibly"
"And the painting?"
"Its three men working on a wooden floor. These are workers. So..well, so they are all able bodied and stuff"
"I think I know exactly what you are talking about"
"Really?"
Man disappears for a second. Comes back with painting.
"Is this it?"
"Yes, this is surely how she described it"
"What's my next test? You want me to do this blindfolded?"
"Not for now!"
"You said this is for you?"
"No no no, this is for a friend. She saw this in Paris"
"If you say so. Here!"
Saturday morning. Bill and I pack off the sistahs to the Abbey and set out on another of our flat hunting expeditions. These things usually start with viewing perhaps one flat. And then we walk around the neighborhood, chill at the Park for an hour, go find some nice cafe and bookstores, maybe catch a movie at the local theater, eat some street food etc etc. Yes, I know. The most inefficient of things but who said the point of this is to find an apartment? First of all, we haven't really decided whether we are moving or not.
So anyway, a couple of hours later we find ourselves not very far from the Camden Lock and so we decide to go say hello to our prints guy. Man runs this narrow, little prints store on Camden High, sells everything from movie posters to Michelangelo. Pretentious me wanted to pick up a couple of Degas prints as gifts for some people. Also wanted to see whether he had any new Banksy stuff (if Banksy is your man, please go see this guy in Camden next time you are in London) so it all made sense.
"Didn't BM say she was looking for something?"
"Yeah. Now that we are here, maybe we should call her and check"
So Bill steps out and calls while I picked up The Tub and Before the Mirror.
"Yeah, she wants something but its a little strange"
"Are you looking for anything specific?"
"Yes. This may sound weird but a friend was in Paris recently..."
"Yeah?"
"At d'Orsay I think and she wants this print. The problem is she doesn't know the artist or the name of the painting"
"This is a test!"
"I guess. So this is am impressionist painting. The artist's name starts with C-A-I-L, she thinks"
"Caillebotte?"
"Possibly"
"And the painting?"
"Its three men working on a wooden floor. These are workers. So..well, so they are all able bodied and stuff"
"I think I know exactly what you are talking about"
"Really?"
Man disappears for a second. Comes back with painting.
"Is this it?"
"Yes, this is surely how she described it"
"What's my next test? You want me to do this blindfolded?"
"Not for now!"
"You said this is for you?"
"No no no, this is for a friend. She saw this in Paris"
"If you say so. Here!"
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
BM and Buddhi come to London (Part 1)
BM and Buddhi (BM's sibling) have gone off to Paris for a couple of days, so good time to malign BM on blog!
Trafalgar Square. BM happily climbs on top on one of the lions. Pictures duly shot.
Me: "Enough. If you want to spend some decent time at the National Gallery, you have to get down now"
BM: "Ok ok. Hmm, it seems a little scary"
Buddhi: "What's scary?"
BM: "Getting down this thing"
Me: "Who asked you to climb up?"
BM: "Thats not the point"
Bill: "Its alright. We will stand below. I will catch you if you fall"
Me: "That's supposed to make her feel better?"
Bill: "Nobody asked you. BM, I am here. So is Buddhi. You come down"
I start laughing. Buddhi takes out the camera she just packed up.
BM: "What are you people doing?"
Me: "What does it look like? Bill will save you. And we will capture this rescue on camera"
BM: "People are staring at me"
Me: "They just want the space. Its prime photo point. Get down"
BM: "Its all stone"
Me: "Don't think we can change that now. For God's sake, its hardly your height. Turn around and scramble down"
BM: "I know. I don't know why I am behaving like this"
Bill: "Its the sun"
BM: "What?"
Bill: "This is the first straight 48 hour period you haven't seen the sun, right? This happens all the time. Just get down"
Yeah yeah, she did. Finally. There were quite a few spectators. They clapped promptly.
***
So we are all at Tesco picking up milk and stuff on our way back home. Bill talks to his friends at the till as usual.
"That's what I was telling you about. They think he's from Lahore"
BM: "Yeah man. He doesn't seem to want to correct that impression. And where did he learn to speak such good Hindi?"
Me: "Kanpur. He tries to hide his UP past but we know alright"
Bill: "UP? Did you say UP darling? But isn't Kanpur in Maharashtra? And Nagpur in UP?"
Me: "Only during my X boards did I think that. Lost 0.5 marks in Geography because of stupid N Indian towns that I shouldn't have to care about anyway"
BM: "See, this is what I call convent school behaviour. Every other minute they will be cribbing about the 0.25 marks they lost somewhere"
Me: "Hello, Bill went to convent too"
BM: "Not boys convent. Just girls convent. Where all the nuns are abusive"
Buddhi: "Look. Someone is teaching Math"
"Where?"
Bulletin board post-it says: Maths tuition available from Cambridge graduate. Get you back on track. Call XXXXX
Me: "Nice. Good way to make money. You think we should let Bill do this?"
Buddhi: "Yes, we can let Bill teach bankers Math"
Me: "Wait, bankers already know that"
BM: "Says who? This is real Math we are talking about here. Not banker Math. I can so see this. We will put up posters saying "discover the Ramaujan in you". This will work. Bill, did you see this?"
Bill: "Yeah, its not a bad idea, is it? Lets go. We are late"
Me: "Wait, I know that number"
We all turn to look at Bill.
Bill: "What? I am not a Cambridge graduate"
Me: "We know but why does it have your number?"
Bill: "How do I know?"
***
BM: "You do know that your blog readership is all psycho?"
Me: "Including you?"
BM: "No, not me, everyone else is psycho"
Me: "So you just hang out with psychos?"
BM: "Not really. I am just this childhood friend type person. I don't have a choice"
Me: "I see. My blog you do not have a choice. But why do you read all the other psychos' blogs? Surely there's a choice there"
BM: "Yeah, well. Its like a learning experience"
Me: "Learning about how psychos write?"
BM: "Yeah. So that I know how to spot them easily"
Me: "Why would you want to spot them?"
BM: "So that I don't have to hang out with them"
Me: "So you hang out with psychos now because sometime in the future, once you have learnt all about them, you do not want to hang out with them? That sounds very psycho behaviour to me"
BM: "You are just turning this around for no reason. What I mean is normal people do not read your blog. So you have to appeal to normal people"
Me: "How do I appeal to normal people?"
BM: "Number of things you can do. For instance, you can start writing about how Bill and you met"
Me: "Yeah, thats an interesting story actually. Anoop carries poor broken-leg-me inside his apartment and Bill is parked on couch being all pretentious. And A had made vattha kozhambu. I remember that. Awesome food we had that day"
BM: "No dumbo. Not like that. Like how all feelings happened when you saw Bill"
Me: "Feelings happened? Oh, I get it now. This is the sort of post that people will go Awwww..over. I hate that. That's my second most hated type of posts"
BM: "What's the first?"
Me: "Posts that people come and empathize with blogger and say things like Hugs. Those posts should be banned. As for the commenters, well, lets not go there"
(Now please go back to previous post and see BM's comment.
BM: Two more H-word comments and you are out. All comments will be deleted)
Trafalgar Square. BM happily climbs on top on one of the lions. Pictures duly shot.
Me: "Enough. If you want to spend some decent time at the National Gallery, you have to get down now"
BM: "Ok ok. Hmm, it seems a little scary"
Buddhi: "What's scary?"
BM: "Getting down this thing"
Me: "Who asked you to climb up?"
BM: "Thats not the point"
Bill: "Its alright. We will stand below. I will catch you if you fall"
Me: "That's supposed to make her feel better?"
Bill: "Nobody asked you. BM, I am here. So is Buddhi. You come down"
I start laughing. Buddhi takes out the camera she just packed up.
BM: "What are you people doing?"
Me: "What does it look like? Bill will save you. And we will capture this rescue on camera"
BM: "People are staring at me"
Me: "They just want the space. Its prime photo point. Get down"
BM: "Its all stone"
Me: "Don't think we can change that now. For God's sake, its hardly your height. Turn around and scramble down"
BM: "I know. I don't know why I am behaving like this"
Bill: "Its the sun"
BM: "What?"
Bill: "This is the first straight 48 hour period you haven't seen the sun, right? This happens all the time. Just get down"
Yeah yeah, she did. Finally. There were quite a few spectators. They clapped promptly.
***
So we are all at Tesco picking up milk and stuff on our way back home. Bill talks to his friends at the till as usual.
"That's what I was telling you about. They think he's from Lahore"
BM: "Yeah man. He doesn't seem to want to correct that impression. And where did he learn to speak such good Hindi?"
Me: "Kanpur. He tries to hide his UP past but we know alright"
Bill: "UP? Did you say UP darling? But isn't Kanpur in Maharashtra? And Nagpur in UP?"
Me: "Only during my X boards did I think that. Lost 0.5 marks in Geography because of stupid N Indian towns that I shouldn't have to care about anyway"
BM: "See, this is what I call convent school behaviour. Every other minute they will be cribbing about the 0.25 marks they lost somewhere"
Me: "Hello, Bill went to convent too"
BM: "Not boys convent. Just girls convent. Where all the nuns are abusive"
Buddhi: "Look. Someone is teaching Math"
"Where?"
Bulletin board post-it says: Maths tuition available from Cambridge graduate. Get you back on track. Call XXXXX
Me: "Nice. Good way to make money. You think we should let Bill do this?"
Buddhi: "Yes, we can let Bill teach bankers Math"
Me: "Wait, bankers already know that"
BM: "Says who? This is real Math we are talking about here. Not banker Math. I can so see this. We will put up posters saying "discover the Ramaujan in you". This will work. Bill, did you see this?"
Bill: "Yeah, its not a bad idea, is it? Lets go. We are late"
Me: "Wait, I know that number"
We all turn to look at Bill.
Bill: "What? I am not a Cambridge graduate"
Me: "We know but why does it have your number?"
Bill: "How do I know?"
***
BM: "You do know that your blog readership is all psycho?"
Me: "Including you?"
BM: "No, not me, everyone else is psycho"
Me: "So you just hang out with psychos?"
BM: "Not really. I am just this childhood friend type person. I don't have a choice"
Me: "I see. My blog you do not have a choice. But why do you read all the other psychos' blogs? Surely there's a choice there"
BM: "Yeah, well. Its like a learning experience"
Me: "Learning about how psychos write?"
BM: "Yeah. So that I know how to spot them easily"
Me: "Why would you want to spot them?"
BM: "So that I don't have to hang out with them"
Me: "So you hang out with psychos now because sometime in the future, once you have learnt all about them, you do not want to hang out with them? That sounds very psycho behaviour to me"
BM: "You are just turning this around for no reason. What I mean is normal people do not read your blog. So you have to appeal to normal people"
Me: "How do I appeal to normal people?"
BM: "Number of things you can do. For instance, you can start writing about how Bill and you met"
Me: "Yeah, thats an interesting story actually. Anoop carries poor broken-leg-me inside his apartment and Bill is parked on couch being all pretentious. And A had made vattha kozhambu. I remember that. Awesome food we had that day"
BM: "No dumbo. Not like that. Like how all feelings happened when you saw Bill"
Me: "Feelings happened? Oh, I get it now. This is the sort of post that people will go Awwww..over. I hate that. That's my second most hated type of posts"
BM: "What's the first?"
Me: "Posts that people come and empathize with blogger and say things like Hugs. Those posts should be banned. As for the commenters, well, lets not go there"
(Now please go back to previous post and see BM's comment.
BM: Two more H-word comments and you are out. All comments will be deleted)
Thursday, November 15, 2007
You know BM is in town....
When you come back home and find your living room turned into a sea of pink...
And the sky (atleast the one above Abbey Road) turns pink too!
Yeah okay, the flowers were Bill's idea. But as he said as he walked in the door yesterday with these pink flowers "Don't look at me like that. When BM turns up it will all be matching - matching".
And the sky (atleast the one above Abbey Road) turns pink too!
Yeah okay, the flowers were Bill's idea. But as he said as he walked in the door yesterday with these pink flowers "Don't look at me like that. When BM turns up it will all be matching - matching".
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
Frank, you ain't (W)right
MIT sues Gehry. Here.
"The school asserts that the center, completed in spring 2004, has persistent leaks, drainage problems and mold growing on its brick exterior. It says accumulations of snow and ice have fallen dangerously from window boxes and other areas of its roofs, blocking emergency exits and causing damage"
Obviously, MIT doesn't believe getting a bucket is a good option.
Monday, November 05, 2007
Scenes from a Marriage: Bill's weekend junket
Friday night. I am dividing up weekend chores.
"So you have to go pick up clothes from the cleaners tomorrow..."
"I can't"
"You can't?"
"Yeah"
"I am assuming there's a reason why you can't"
"Oh, didn't I tell you? I am going to be out over the weekend"
"You are?"
"Yeah"
"You have to go to work?"
"Sort of"
"So you are going to Cambridge tomorrow?"
"No"
"Where are you going then?"
"To Malmo"
"I see"
"Yeah, I leave tomorrow morning and I should be back Sunday night"
"So you are flying?"
"I don't see how else I would get past the North Sea"
"This is work?"
"Yes"
"In Malmo? On a weekend?"
"Its bloody November. Why else will I go to Sweden in November if its not for work?"
"How do I know? Isn't Malmo the tropical part of Sweden?"
"Hello, its still Sweden. Way North of where you are"
"Whatever. Who is paying for this trip?"
"Not you"
"You can say that once we have settled accounts"
"It isn't going out of my bank account either"
"No?"
"No. The firm is paying"
"What firm?"
"Emil's firm"
"I see. Where did Emil's firm get the money from?"
"From Bamse"
"What?"
"He got some sort of seed funding. From one of the govt agencies"
"The Swedish government has nothing better to do than fund random startups?"
"Bamse knows best. He knows who to fund and who not to"
"Of course. But why is Bamse flying you?"
"Its a company meeting"
"A company meeting? How many people are in the company?"
"There's Emil and J. And then there's S~ and yours truly"
"S~ is in Europe?"
"Some conference in Brussels. He will fly back to India next week after this meeting"
"Hmm"
"He's going to run the India operations"
"India operations? Like how many people are there?"
"As of now, none. But once S~ gets back, that will change"
"I see. What are you going to do?"
"What?"
"I asked what were you going to do"
"I don't understand"
"Emil and J are running this thing in Sweden. Working like crazy. Hacking. Evangelizing. Building a brand. S~ is going to start dev ops in India. What are you going to do?"
"Oh, that way"
"Yeah, that way. Why are they flying you then? What is your contribution to this company? To this meeting you are going to go tomorrow?"
"I haven't thought about it"
"I should have known"
"Its not that bad. I am sure I can find something to do"
"Like what?"
"Do I have to tell you?"
"Yes"
"If you have to know, I am the academic advisor"
Two minute silence. Followed by howls of laughter.
"You are what?"
"I knew you would laugh. I am academic advisor"
"What does that mean?"
"That doesn't have to mean anything"
"Well, lets try it this way. What do you have to do?"
"Nothing much really. Once in a while, I email some kid who's doing research on this product about what to do next"
"Have you found a kid?"
"No"
"I see"
"What?"
"I feel a little better now"
"Because I am doing something useful?"
"No, and you are not doing anything useful"
"Then?"
"Because I am not alone in the world. There's people like S~ and Emil. Who make exactly the same mistake I make. Idiots"
"Well, what can I say?"
"Nothing at all darling. Just go have a good trip. I will go pick up clothes from the cleaners"
"So you have to go pick up clothes from the cleaners tomorrow..."
"I can't"
"You can't?"
"Yeah"
"I am assuming there's a reason why you can't"
"Oh, didn't I tell you? I am going to be out over the weekend"
"You are?"
"Yeah"
"You have to go to work?"
"Sort of"
"So you are going to Cambridge tomorrow?"
"No"
"Where are you going then?"
"To Malmo"
"I see"
"Yeah, I leave tomorrow morning and I should be back Sunday night"
"So you are flying?"
"I don't see how else I would get past the North Sea"
"This is work?"
"Yes"
"In Malmo? On a weekend?"
"Its bloody November. Why else will I go to Sweden in November if its not for work?"
"How do I know? Isn't Malmo the tropical part of Sweden?"
"Hello, its still Sweden. Way North of where you are"
"Whatever. Who is paying for this trip?"
"Not you"
"You can say that once we have settled accounts"
"It isn't going out of my bank account either"
"No?"
"No. The firm is paying"
"What firm?"
"Emil's firm"
"I see. Where did Emil's firm get the money from?"
"From Bamse"
"What?"
"He got some sort of seed funding. From one of the govt agencies"
"The Swedish government has nothing better to do than fund random startups?"
"Bamse knows best. He knows who to fund and who not to"
"Of course. But why is Bamse flying you?"
"Its a company meeting"
"A company meeting? How many people are in the company?"
"There's Emil and J. And then there's S~ and yours truly"
"S~ is in Europe?"
"Some conference in Brussels. He will fly back to India next week after this meeting"
"Hmm"
"He's going to run the India operations"
"India operations? Like how many people are there?"
"As of now, none. But once S~ gets back, that will change"
"I see. What are you going to do?"
"What?"
"I asked what were you going to do"
"I don't understand"
"Emil and J are running this thing in Sweden. Working like crazy. Hacking. Evangelizing. Building a brand. S~ is going to start dev ops in India. What are you going to do?"
"Oh, that way"
"Yeah, that way. Why are they flying you then? What is your contribution to this company? To this meeting you are going to go tomorrow?"
"I haven't thought about it"
"I should have known"
"Its not that bad. I am sure I can find something to do"
"Like what?"
"Do I have to tell you?"
"Yes"
"If you have to know, I am the academic advisor"
Two minute silence. Followed by howls of laughter.
"You are what?"
"I knew you would laugh. I am academic advisor"
"What does that mean?"
"That doesn't have to mean anything"
"Well, lets try it this way. What do you have to do?"
"Nothing much really. Once in a while, I email some kid who's doing research on this product about what to do next"
"Have you found a kid?"
"No"
"I see"
"What?"
"I feel a little better now"
"Because I am doing something useful?"
"No, and you are not doing anything useful"
"Then?"
"Because I am not alone in the world. There's people like S~ and Emil. Who make exactly the same mistake I make. Idiots"
"Well, what can I say?"
"Nothing at all darling. Just go have a good trip. I will go pick up clothes from the cleaners"
Sunday, November 04, 2007
Thillu Mullu / Persepolis
(Note to non-Tams: Think Golmaal. Though must say (in my completely biased worldview) that Thillu Mullu is way ahead of Golmaal. Something to do with how the language lends itself to a certain kind of humor. That and KB and well, Rajinikanth[1])
Remember when Ayyampettai Aruvudainambi Kaliyaperumal Indran goes to the football match? And his boss Sri Ramachandramurthy sees him there? Me, I went to the game too. Well, not the game but sort of similar. Persepolis, as part of the London film festival. At Leicester Square on Wednesday afternoon at 3 PM. So I tell people at work that I have thousands of chores to do (like going to the bank, post office etc.) which I haven't been able to do because I was in Chicago for a long, long time and this country, oh in this country, everything is closed on weekends, how inconvenient. At about 2.45m I promptly sneak out and walk to the Odeon.
Thillu mullu Thillu mullu
There is a long line of people standing outside the theater. Me, I have reserved my tickets. Silly people. Not booking in advance. I walk up to the door.
"I have tickets already. I am just here to pick them up"
"That's the line for pick-up ma'am"
"Oh"
Ullamelam kallu mullu
The line stretches all the way to the middle of the square. Anyone in the office who's out for their afternoon coffee is going to see me. Fuck. I go stand in line. Maybe its not that bad. There are a lot of people here. Why would someone see me unless they are looking for me? And no one is looking for me.
Thillu mullu Thillu mullu Ullamelam kallu mullu
You idiot! Look around you. Now look at yourself. And tell me why you stand out. You are the only person in the whole square who is wearing a suit. The rest are either random tourists or film festival types who are here to see the movie. Shoot. The line is moving reasonably fast though. I am just being paranoid.
La la la La la la La la la Laa la la
"Veena!"
I turn around. Its the bloody MD. The bloody MD out for his afternoon tea.
"S.....Hi"
"Enjoying a nice afternoon movie, are we?"
"Uhh..I wish. I am actually here to get tickets. For the movie tomorrow evening"
"I see. What movie is it?"
"Its called Four Women. Its an Indian movie that's showing as part of the film festival"
"I didn't know you were into films. Did I tell you that I am an amateur actor?"
"You are?"
"Yes, I am acting in a Stoppard play at my neighborhood theater"
"That sounds lovely. You should send me the date and the venue. I will get the whole office to come, this could be our team event for the month"
"No, no, I am not sure people will be interested. Anyway, I've got to run now. I will see you at the office"
"Bye"
I debated for about two minutes. Until I got to the box office. I picked up my ticket and went in.
Thillu mullu thillu mullu ullamellam kallu mullu
Vincent Parannoud and Marjane Satrapi's Persepolis based on the latter's popular graphic novel of the same name, is the story of young Marjane growing up in Iran in the turbulent years after the Islamic Revolution. She spends her teenage years in exile in the streets of Vienna, a disoriented Persian teenager in a world of make-believe anarchists. Marjane comes back to Iran, finishes college, gets married, gets divorced and finally leaves for Paris. Persepolis is also the story of Iran under the Revolution - a relatively free country going under the veil and fighting a mindless war with Iraq. Its the story of Uncle Anoush, the Marxist revolutionary and Nilafour, the young communist, and Uncle Tahr and his parties. The bigger political statements that the movie makes aren't exactly new, and it seems a little too geared towards the Western audience. The life and times of the Westernised upper classes pre and post Revolution makes for interesting viewing but well, its just that. The movie doesn't go much beyond that.
So I didn't like it like it? No, no, I loved it. Forget the big picture here. This movie is about the details. This movie is about little Marjane. Drawn in straight, mostly black and white lines which (at least for me) brought out the character without any funky distractions. Marjane takes off her veil while driving through the streets of Tehran and asks the men at college to stop sporting punky hairstyles as that could have a detrimental effect on the girls. She spends her pocket money on pirated Iron Maiden tapes, and doesn't hesitate to kill off her Mom to escape the moral police. Her Dad cries when she leaves for Austria while her mother remains as composed as ever. She shifts her loyalties from the Shah to whoever Uncle Anoush believes in in a matter of seconds and carries the placard from then on. She is the leader of the street gang, and convinces the other kids that they should take revenge of the kid with the bicycle because his Dad is a mass murderer. Little Marjane wants to be a Prophet and she looks forward to the day she can shave her legs and get this, when she was five, Bruce Lee is her hero. Yes, Bruce Lee. How can you not love this girl? Especially when you realize that she is exactly the sort of person who would grow up one day, get a job in London and sneak away from work to see a matinee.
[1] No one who's seen the man in Mullum Malarum, Aval Appadithan, Aaril Irundhu Aruvathu Varai, Bhuvana Oru Kelvikuri or Johnny will question his acting skills. Thillu Mullu was all about timing and delivery. And he had it spot on. I'd actually go out on a limb here and say that what Mr He-is-just-a-superstar-I-am-the-real-Actor-and-I-am-the-Best tried to perfect in the next twenty years in movie after movie of Crazy Mohan dialogues, Rajini had it back in 1981. The fair question, of course, is what has he done with the last 25 years of his life. There, I must say, I am utterly lost.
Remember when Ayyampettai Aruvudainambi Kaliyaperumal Indran goes to the football match? And his boss Sri Ramachandramurthy sees him there? Me, I went to the game too. Well, not the game but sort of similar. Persepolis, as part of the London film festival. At Leicester Square on Wednesday afternoon at 3 PM. So I tell people at work that I have thousands of chores to do (like going to the bank, post office etc.) which I haven't been able to do because I was in Chicago for a long, long time and this country, oh in this country, everything is closed on weekends, how inconvenient. At about 2.45m I promptly sneak out and walk to the Odeon.
Thillu mullu Thillu mullu
There is a long line of people standing outside the theater. Me, I have reserved my tickets. Silly people. Not booking in advance. I walk up to the door.
"I have tickets already. I am just here to pick them up"
"That's the line for pick-up ma'am"
"Oh"
Ullamelam kallu mullu
The line stretches all the way to the middle of the square. Anyone in the office who's out for their afternoon coffee is going to see me. Fuck. I go stand in line. Maybe its not that bad. There are a lot of people here. Why would someone see me unless they are looking for me? And no one is looking for me.
Thillu mullu Thillu mullu Ullamelam kallu mullu
You idiot! Look around you. Now look at yourself. And tell me why you stand out. You are the only person in the whole square who is wearing a suit. The rest are either random tourists or film festival types who are here to see the movie. Shoot. The line is moving reasonably fast though. I am just being paranoid.
La la la La la la La la la Laa la la
"Veena!"
I turn around. Its the bloody MD. The bloody MD out for his afternoon tea.
"S.....Hi"
"Enjoying a nice afternoon movie, are we?"
"Uhh..I wish. I am actually here to get tickets. For the movie tomorrow evening"
"I see. What movie is it?"
"Its called Four Women. Its an Indian movie that's showing as part of the film festival"
"I didn't know you were into films. Did I tell you that I am an amateur actor?"
"You are?"
"Yes, I am acting in a Stoppard play at my neighborhood theater"
"That sounds lovely. You should send me the date and the venue. I will get the whole office to come, this could be our team event for the month"
"No, no, I am not sure people will be interested. Anyway, I've got to run now. I will see you at the office"
"Bye"
I debated for about two minutes. Until I got to the box office. I picked up my ticket and went in.
Thillu mullu thillu mullu ullamellam kallu mullu
Vincent Parannoud and Marjane Satrapi's Persepolis based on the latter's popular graphic novel of the same name, is the story of young Marjane growing up in Iran in the turbulent years after the Islamic Revolution. She spends her teenage years in exile in the streets of Vienna, a disoriented Persian teenager in a world of make-believe anarchists. Marjane comes back to Iran, finishes college, gets married, gets divorced and finally leaves for Paris. Persepolis is also the story of Iran under the Revolution - a relatively free country going under the veil and fighting a mindless war with Iraq. Its the story of Uncle Anoush, the Marxist revolutionary and Nilafour, the young communist, and Uncle Tahr and his parties. The bigger political statements that the movie makes aren't exactly new, and it seems a little too geared towards the Western audience. The life and times of the Westernised upper classes pre and post Revolution makes for interesting viewing but well, its just that. The movie doesn't go much beyond that.
So I didn't like it like it? No, no, I loved it. Forget the big picture here. This movie is about the details. This movie is about little Marjane. Drawn in straight, mostly black and white lines which (at least for me) brought out the character without any funky distractions. Marjane takes off her veil while driving through the streets of Tehran and asks the men at college to stop sporting punky hairstyles as that could have a detrimental effect on the girls. She spends her pocket money on pirated Iron Maiden tapes, and doesn't hesitate to kill off her Mom to escape the moral police. Her Dad cries when she leaves for Austria while her mother remains as composed as ever. She shifts her loyalties from the Shah to whoever Uncle Anoush believes in in a matter of seconds and carries the placard from then on. She is the leader of the street gang, and convinces the other kids that they should take revenge of the kid with the bicycle because his Dad is a mass murderer. Little Marjane wants to be a Prophet and she looks forward to the day she can shave her legs and get this, when she was five, Bruce Lee is her hero. Yes, Bruce Lee. How can you not love this girl? Especially when you realize that she is exactly the sort of person who would grow up one day, get a job in London and sneak away from work to see a matinee.
[1] No one who's seen the man in Mullum Malarum, Aval Appadithan, Aaril Irundhu Aruvathu Varai, Bhuvana Oru Kelvikuri or Johnny will question his acting skills. Thillu Mullu was all about timing and delivery. And he had it spot on. I'd actually go out on a limb here and say that what Mr He-is-just-a-superstar-I-am-the-real-Actor-and-I-am-the-Best tried to perfect in the next twenty years in movie after movie of Crazy Mohan dialogues, Rajini had it back in 1981. The fair question, of course, is what has he done with the last 25 years of his life. There, I must say, I am utterly lost.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
A Banker for Bill
Those of you who commute to Canary Wharf everyday will no doubt see this at the tube station soon. For everyone else, here's how we are going to find an ibanker for Bill.
Maybe they have to be crazy.
How else can you stare at a ceiling
and see the proof for Fermat's last theorem?
Or sit in silence at King's Cross
and memorize railway timetables?
Or gaze at a red planet
and think of the unwritten Foundation?
While some see them as crazy ones,
we see geeks.
Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can get away with it, are the ones who do.
Special thanks (Homage, BM wants me to say) to the good folks at Apple, phd comics and xkcd
Maybe they have to be crazy.
How else can you stare at a ceiling
and see the proof for Fermat's last theorem?
Or sit in silence at King's Cross
and memorize railway timetables?
Or gaze at a red planet
and think of the unwritten Foundation?
While some see them as crazy ones,
we see geeks.
Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can get away with it, are the ones who do.
Special thanks (Homage, BM wants me to say) to the good folks at Apple, phd comics and xkcd
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Scenes from a Marriage: Mistress Bill
Late night phone call from BM.
"So what's this about Bill remarrying?"
"Yeah, we figured that he has to do something useful in life"
"Who's we?"
"Yeah okay, I did. But he is in agreeance"
"Obviously. So what's that going to achieve?"
"Other than the fact that his mom can now have daughter-in-law named Sharmishta...."
"You have picked out the girl too?"
"Not really. You know how in some communities they change the daughter-in-law's name to whatever they want? We can change this girl's name to Sharmishta"
"I see"
"So anyway, we can bring her here and she can do all the housework"
"That way"
"Yeah, that way"
"You think it will work? Especially with all of you under the same roof"
"I don't mind having her around. So what if its deluxe quality polygamous married sex? Its all the same, isn't it? I think it will work"
"You don't mind! It didn't cross your mind that this Sharmista person might mind?"
"That's also there. No man, we will find some poor girl who wouldn't mind. She will be happy to have a roof over her head types"
"So this is also your saving the world plan? If you can't save the world, atleast save a poor soul from the streets of Calcutta"
"I didn't think of it that way buy now that you say it, yeah, I guess"
"It won't work. Not with your bleeding heart liberal mindset"
"Yeah, I can see myself feeling all sorry for this girl and I will get her to strike and stuff"
"Yes Your Redness, you will only end up making her some union leader"
"Hmm..Thanks for shooting down the only idea I had about making Bill useful"
"C'mon, there are so many other options"
"Like what?"
"Think. Why get someone to do the housework? Get some ibanker woman to marry Bill and you have a house with housework taken care of. In London!"
"Yeah right. How will I live in this house?"
"Hmm...let me think about that"
"No, you are right. I got it. Just forget the marriage part. We will get Bill to be some sort of mistress character. Then he will have a flat on his own, right?"
"Right. And since this ibanker woman will come visit only once in a while, you can also live there"
"Yes. I will just run away when she is around. Or I can be Bill's cousin or something"
"Excellent"
"But how do we get this woman to fall for Bill? I see a slight problem there"
"He could be like that character in that Woody Allen story"
"Whore of Mensa?"
"Yeah"
"But this is an ibanker. What does she care about all that?"
"If I know anything about ibankers, they are pretentious. It will work"
"Yeah, I can see that. Dude, I do think we have a really good plan. Now to find this woman"
"I think you should run this by your husband first"
"He won't mind. Hey Bill.."
Bill looks up. For the past couple of hours, he has been tinkering with Shonku. Something to do with Gutsy. That story some other time.
"So we are thinking we will get some ibanker woman for you. You can be a kept man. That okay with you?"
"Yes, as long as you find this woman. I like being a kept man"
"You do?"
"Of course"
"Really?"
"Hello? Are you alright? Of course I do. If I didn't like it, what am I doing with you? For nearly six years now, that too"
"Good point. BM, he is set. Lets discuss how to go about finding this person"
(To be continued)
"So what's this about Bill remarrying?"
"Yeah, we figured that he has to do something useful in life"
"Who's we?"
"Yeah okay, I did. But he is in agreeance"
"Obviously. So what's that going to achieve?"
"Other than the fact that his mom can now have daughter-in-law named Sharmishta...."
"You have picked out the girl too?"
"Not really. You know how in some communities they change the daughter-in-law's name to whatever they want? We can change this girl's name to Sharmishta"
"I see"
"So anyway, we can bring her here and she can do all the housework"
"That way"
"Yeah, that way"
"You think it will work? Especially with all of you under the same roof"
"I don't mind having her around. So what if its deluxe quality polygamous married sex? Its all the same, isn't it? I think it will work"
"You don't mind! It didn't cross your mind that this Sharmista person might mind?"
"That's also there. No man, we will find some poor girl who wouldn't mind. She will be happy to have a roof over her head types"
"So this is also your saving the world plan? If you can't save the world, atleast save a poor soul from the streets of Calcutta"
"I didn't think of it that way buy now that you say it, yeah, I guess"
"It won't work. Not with your bleeding heart liberal mindset"
"Yeah, I can see myself feeling all sorry for this girl and I will get her to strike and stuff"
"Yes Your Redness, you will only end up making her some union leader"
"Hmm..Thanks for shooting down the only idea I had about making Bill useful"
"C'mon, there are so many other options"
"Like what?"
"Think. Why get someone to do the housework? Get some ibanker woman to marry Bill and you have a house with housework taken care of. In London!"
"Yeah right. How will I live in this house?"
"Hmm...let me think about that"
"No, you are right. I got it. Just forget the marriage part. We will get Bill to be some sort of mistress character. Then he will have a flat on his own, right?"
"Right. And since this ibanker woman will come visit only once in a while, you can also live there"
"Yes. I will just run away when she is around. Or I can be Bill's cousin or something"
"Excellent"
"But how do we get this woman to fall for Bill? I see a slight problem there"
"He could be like that character in that Woody Allen story"
"Whore of Mensa?"
"Yeah"
"But this is an ibanker. What does she care about all that?"
"If I know anything about ibankers, they are pretentious. It will work"
"Yeah, I can see that. Dude, I do think we have a really good plan. Now to find this woman"
"I think you should run this by your husband first"
"He won't mind. Hey Bill.."
Bill looks up. For the past couple of hours, he has been tinkering with Shonku. Something to do with Gutsy. That story some other time.
"So we are thinking we will get some ibanker woman for you. You can be a kept man. That okay with you?"
"Yes, as long as you find this woman. I like being a kept man"
"You do?"
"Of course"
"Really?"
"Hello? Are you alright? Of course I do. If I didn't like it, what am I doing with you? For nearly six years now, that too"
"Good point. BM, he is set. Lets discuss how to go about finding this person"
(To be continued)
Monday, October 29, 2007
Chicagoland story
Still sort of stuck in Chicago. The city remains the same. It was a little sad to see that Mr Big Shoulders didn't miss me as much as I missed him. But other than that, a thoroughly enjoyable trip. Except for the shopping expeditions which were a total pain but atleast I got my annual shopping done. So anyway, since I am still stuck somewhere there, more Chicago stories:
Friday night. A&J, A~ and I went to Emilios for dinner. Last minute, I call SY, the cute kid from Hong Kong / Malaysia who works with me in London. SY spent most of her young life in Hong Kong, and KL and last four years in London where she went to the Uni. She's been to Chicago for meetings a couple of times but has never ventured outside of say, Michigan Ave. Dinner over, we walk A&J to their apartment and get on a cab to get us back to the hotel. A~ is staying over. Her car's parked in Old Town as we were too cheap to pay the $40 overnight parking fee next to the hotel. So we are in this cab and A~ and I start talking about the next day.
"What time should we leave tomorrow?"
"I am thinking we should have brunch at Orange at about 11 and then leave. We have to get on 290 so it makes sense"
(SY) "Where are you going tomorrow?"
"Shopping"
"You have to drive to go shopping?"
"Yes, we are going to this outlet mall[1] outside the city"
"Can't you take a bus or train to get there?"
"No. And its way outside the city. A good 45 minute drive"
"Oh, you mean its in the suburbs?"
"Yes, it is"
SY ponders over this for a minute. She then turns to A~. Earnestly.
"So you live in the suburbs?"
"Yes"
"How far is your suburb from here?"
"About 30 miles North West"
"Are the suburbs really amazing?"
A~ is slightly taken aback. I am trying hard to stifle laughter.
"What do you mean?"
"Do you have huge mansions that all look alike?"
"Not mansions. They come in different sizes but by city standards they are big"
"Do you live in one of them?"
"I live in a townhome. Which really isn't that big"
"Okay. So are the suburbs really beautiful? With wide open spaces everywhere?"
A~ sounds lost.
"There's a lot of space. Its a lot quieter down there. Some people think its beautiful. But you have to drive everywhere"
At this point, I give up. A~ joins me and we both are laughing so hard that SY thinks something's terribly wrong.
"Is it something I said? What is funny?"
"Well SY, these suburbs aren't exactly some planet on the far end of the galaxy inhabited by aliens, you know"
"How do I know? I have never been to one"
"You can come with us if you want"
"Maybe I will come. I didn't mean to be rude. I just wanted to know about suburbs"
"You are not rude. Its just funny"
"It wasn't meant to be funny. My knowledge of suburbs comes from Desperate Housewives. I just wanted to know if that's how they are in reality. Looks like the show isn't too much of an exaggeration"
[1] Remember the time when Falsie went shopping? Same mall.
Friday night. A&J, A~ and I went to Emilios for dinner. Last minute, I call SY, the cute kid from Hong Kong / Malaysia who works with me in London. SY spent most of her young life in Hong Kong, and KL and last four years in London where she went to the Uni. She's been to Chicago for meetings a couple of times but has never ventured outside of say, Michigan Ave. Dinner over, we walk A&J to their apartment and get on a cab to get us back to the hotel. A~ is staying over. Her car's parked in Old Town as we were too cheap to pay the $40 overnight parking fee next to the hotel. So we are in this cab and A~ and I start talking about the next day.
"What time should we leave tomorrow?"
"I am thinking we should have brunch at Orange at about 11 and then leave. We have to get on 290 so it makes sense"
(SY) "Where are you going tomorrow?"
"Shopping"
"You have to drive to go shopping?"
"Yes, we are going to this outlet mall[1] outside the city"
"Can't you take a bus or train to get there?"
"No. And its way outside the city. A good 45 minute drive"
"Oh, you mean its in the suburbs?"
"Yes, it is"
SY ponders over this for a minute. She then turns to A~. Earnestly.
"So you live in the suburbs?"
"Yes"
"How far is your suburb from here?"
"About 30 miles North West"
"Are the suburbs really amazing?"
A~ is slightly taken aback. I am trying hard to stifle laughter.
"What do you mean?"
"Do you have huge mansions that all look alike?"
"Not mansions. They come in different sizes but by city standards they are big"
"Do you live in one of them?"
"I live in a townhome. Which really isn't that big"
"Okay. So are the suburbs really beautiful? With wide open spaces everywhere?"
A~ sounds lost.
"There's a lot of space. Its a lot quieter down there. Some people think its beautiful. But you have to drive everywhere"
At this point, I give up. A~ joins me and we both are laughing so hard that SY thinks something's terribly wrong.
"Is it something I said? What is funny?"
"Well SY, these suburbs aren't exactly some planet on the far end of the galaxy inhabited by aliens, you know"
"How do I know? I have never been to one"
"You can come with us if you want"
"Maybe I will come. I didn't mean to be rude. I just wanted to know about suburbs"
"You are not rude. Its just funny"
"It wasn't meant to be funny. My knowledge of suburbs comes from Desperate Housewives. I just wanted to know if that's how they are in reality. Looks like the show isn't too much of an exaggeration"
[1] Remember the time when Falsie went shopping? Same mall.
Booker reviews
Yes, am back in London. First things first. Long overdue, I know. But better late.....
Reviews from this year's Booker Mela:
(Cat: I am still waiting for yours)
Darkmans by Nicola Barker
Self Help by Edward Docx
The Gift Of Rain by Tan Twan Eng
The Gathering by Anne Enright - Falstaff
The Reluctant Fundamentalist by Mohsin Hamid - Veena
The Welsh Girl by Peter Ho Davies - Falstaff
Mister Pip by Lloyd Jones - Falstaff, Veena
Gifted by Nikita Lalwani
On Chesil Beach by Ian McEwan - Falstaff, Bill
What Was Lost by Catherine O'Flynn - Falstaff, Veena
Consolation by Michael Redhill - Falstaff
Animal's People by Indra Sinha - Falstaff
Winnie & Wolf by A.N. Wilson
Reviews from this year's Booker Mela:
(Cat: I am still waiting for yours)
Darkmans by Nicola Barker
Self Help by Edward Docx
The Gift Of Rain by Tan Twan Eng
The Gathering by Anne Enright - Falstaff
The Reluctant Fundamentalist by Mohsin Hamid - Veena
The Welsh Girl by Peter Ho Davies - Falstaff
Mister Pip by Lloyd Jones - Falstaff, Veena
Gifted by Nikita Lalwani
On Chesil Beach by Ian McEwan - Falstaff, Bill
What Was Lost by Catherine O'Flynn - Falstaff, Veena
Consolation by Michael Redhill - Falstaff
Animal's People by Indra Sinha - Falstaff
Winnie & Wolf by A.N. Wilson
Monday, October 15, 2007
More pinkness
If a consenting adult is not readily available, most women would just go with the vibrator. Serves the purpose and all. But we bloggers take this to a different level. I am cool. I am a thinker. I want to be mean to someone. I rock. Hmm. Yes, Tags! Awards! Thinking blogger! Rocker blogger! Whatever.
*****
Driver of 6216 TX: You rock. You really do. If I had a Rocking Girl Cab Driver award, I would give it to you. No other cab driver would have come back to Michigan and Lake on Friday afternoon looking for the passenger who left her wallet in the cab. I mean, if I was a cab driver and this random Indian woman had left her pink, as-heavy-as-a-briefcase wallet in my cab, I would have just thrown it on the lake while cruising on Lake Shore Drive.
*****
Driver of 6216 TX: You rock. You really do. If I had a Rocking Girl Cab Driver award, I would give it to you. No other cab driver would have come back to Michigan and Lake on Friday afternoon looking for the passenger who left her wallet in the cab. I mean, if I was a cab driver and this random Indian woman had left her pink, as-heavy-as-a-briefcase wallet in my cab, I would have just thrown it on the lake while cruising on Lake Shore Drive.
Friday, October 12, 2007
Quick notes from Chicago
My mother used to experiment with various things in our balcony back home. After trying all sorts of things, she finally settled on mint a few years ago. It is the freshest and tastiest mint in the world - those of you who have tasted my pudina pulao or Bill's mojitos know what I am talking about. Anyway, what I was going to say was whenever I go home the day I get there just goes away in a blur. The next morning I wake up usually jetlagged, get out of bed and open the door out to the balcony to look at how the mint is doing. That's when the feeling of home comes in. Not quite but close enough experience this Monday as I walked out of the hotel and (after nearly a year) ran along the lake. Needless to say, its lovely to be back.
*****
As always, its the people. The Nigerian cab driver (I always get them and they all love me. I am sure I have a Nigerian cab driver fan club somewhere in the city) who really really wanted to know why Indian men never date black women. Or the doorman at A & J's apartment who let me in at 6.45 AM when I told him that I just came from London and wanted to surprise my friends who had no idea I was here. Such nice people. I mean, who else believes stories like this? Unfortunately, the same can't be said about the people I call my friends who weren't exactly happy when I nearly knocked their door down trying to wake them up.
*****
Movie time. I served the King of England and Jellyfish, both as part of the Chicago Film Festival. Loved the first. Jiri Menzel turned up for the Q&A session which was really cool. But people, just one request: maybe its not a great idea to practice your Czech especially when there's an interpreter around. And when its like midnight already and some of us have a 7 AM training session the next morning. We are here to hear the man, not to hear you messing up the language.
Jellyfish was okay, details were awesome but didn't feel like they had it all together. Can't complain though as the only reason I went to see it was for the Keret association. BM, I hope you are appropriately jealous
Today, I want to go see Lumet's Before the Devil Knows You're Dead but Space Bar wants me to go listen to István Szabó. What should I do?
*****
Apparently, the Chicago film festival is not an acceptable reason for why you don't want to go to the team bowling event. So I had to go with the bridal shower. Everyone was ooh ahh needless to say. Some people. Well.
*****
As always, its the people. The Nigerian cab driver (I always get them and they all love me. I am sure I have a Nigerian cab driver fan club somewhere in the city) who really really wanted to know why Indian men never date black women. Or the doorman at A & J's apartment who let me in at 6.45 AM when I told him that I just came from London and wanted to surprise my friends who had no idea I was here. Such nice people. I mean, who else believes stories like this? Unfortunately, the same can't be said about the people I call my friends who weren't exactly happy when I nearly knocked their door down trying to wake them up.
*****
Movie time. I served the King of England and Jellyfish, both as part of the Chicago Film Festival. Loved the first. Jiri Menzel turned up for the Q&A session which was really cool. But people, just one request: maybe its not a great idea to practice your Czech especially when there's an interpreter around. And when its like midnight already and some of us have a 7 AM training session the next morning. We are here to hear the man, not to hear you messing up the language.
Jellyfish was okay, details were awesome but didn't feel like they had it all together. Can't complain though as the only reason I went to see it was for the Keret association. BM, I hope you are appropriately jealous
Today, I want to go see Lumet's Before the Devil Knows You're Dead but Space Bar wants me to go listen to István Szabó. What should I do?
*****
Apparently, the Chicago film festival is not an acceptable reason for why you don't want to go to the team bowling event. So I had to go with the bridal shower. Everyone was ooh ahh needless to say. Some people. Well.
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